The power of mindset to change the course of your love life (by looking at online dating in a whole new way!)


When I help women who are really stuck in their love lives, the first place I begin is by looking at their mindset and how they feel about their love life and about dating. Because your mindset is THE biggest predictor of success in your life and plays a massive role in determining the health and happiness of your love life.

Research from Carol Dweck, who is the queen of this topic (after studying it for over 20 years) shows that there are two basic mindsets that shape our lives - a fixed mindset (“where success is based on innate ability”) and a growth mindset (“where success is based on hard work, learning and training”).

Dweck’s work shows how someone with a fixed mindset evaluates the world through the binary notions of ‘success/failure’, ‘winner/loser’ and being ‘accepted/rejected’, however someone with a growth mindset sees failure as a temporary setback because their priority is all about learning and growing. And they embrace challenges and learn from their mistakes, which makes them more resilient than someone with a fixed mindset.

When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world—the world of fixed traits—success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other—the world of changing qualities—it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself.
— Carol Dweck

So how does this relate to online dating?

Well someone with a fixed mindset would think that they’re not getting results from online dating because they’re just not cut out for it or that they’re unlucky in love. Or they might believe that finding love is down to fate and that ‘it will happen when it’s meant to happen’. Online dating feels hopeless and exhausting from this place, compounded by the fact that other people seem to find guys online no problem.

However, someone with a growth mindset would see online dating as a tool for self growth and an opportunity to get to know people you wouldn’t otherwise have met. Someone with a growth mindset would add the word ‘yet’ to challenges, so they might say “I haven’t met the right person… yet” (usually when well meaning family members ask them that age old question ‘why are you still single’?). They are hopeful about the future and they draw inspiration from the people who are really enjoying online dating and who have met their match online. Rather than feeling threatened by the success of others, they are encouraged by it, as it shows what’s possible for them. They are curious to learn from the success of others and how they work through challenges.

This is the difference between a woman who believes that it’s never going to happen for her when it comes to having a relationship and that all the good guys are gone (so wonders whether there’s any point in persisting with online dating) to the woman who believes that of course it will happen for her, she just hasn't met the right person YET. And it's not a matter of ‘IF’, it’s ‘when’ she's going to meet someone.

When I was coaching a client recently, she was telling me how she has a growth mindset about pretty much everything in her life, particularly in her career but when it comes to love and dating, she feels like she should just ‘know’ how to be really good at it and she puts so much pressure on herself to ‘find the one’. Every date that she goes on that doesn’t result in her finding this person feels like a waste of time and has her feeling like a failure in the love department. Carol Dweck speaks to this in her book Mindset: How You Can Fulfil Your Potential’:

In the fixed mindset, everything is about the outcome. If you fail—or if you’re not the best—it’s all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they’re doing regardless of the outcome. They’re tackling problems, charting new courses, working on important issues. Maybe they haven’t found the cure for cancer, but the search was deeply meaningful.
— Carol Dweck

You might think that this sounds very much like those quotes on Pinterest that encourage you to ‘focus on the journey and not the destination’ but Dweck’s work is grounded in rigorous research into the mind and the power that we have to change the course of our lives:

As you begin to understand the fixed and growth mindsets, you will see exactly how one thing leads to another—how a belief that your qualities are carved in stone leads to a host of thoughts and actions, and how a belief that your qualities can be cultivated leads to a host of different thoughts and actions, taking you down an entirely different road
— Carol Dweck

So taking inspiration from Dweck’s work, here are 5 ways that you can use the power of mindset to change the course of your love life, by looking at online dating in a whole new way:

1. Set yourself healthy intentions

Most of the online dating advice out there focuses on how to find a partner but that is a huge ask and puts so much pressure on those early interactions, not to mention the pressure it puts on you and your date. See online dating as a tool to meet like-minded people for a coffee, rather than a way to meet your future husband, which will help to take the pressure off those early interactions. And it means that the date is less likely to feel like a job interview and will be way more fun for you!

2. Get inspired

If you’re feeling disillusioned about online dating then time for a shot of inspiration to get you feeling optimistic again. Ask your friends if they know any couples who've met their partner online and go and speak to them and see what you can learn from them. And find examples of women who are really enjoying online dating (they are out there!) - let their optimism inspire you and get you excited about what’s possible for you.

3. Choose to see rejection as redirection

Dealing with rejection is one of the hardest parts of the online dating process because it brings up all of our fears and insecurities about not feeling good enough. Some people find rejection a lot harder to handle than others and it’s our ability to handle rejection that is key in developing resilience when it comes to online dating. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s a good thing (trust me) because it’s impossible to be all things to all people… not to mention exhausting. Rejection isn’t failure, it’s just feedback - maybe it’s feedback about the kind of person that you now know isn’t right for you or maybe there is an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. Choose to see every rejection as re-directing you to something better.

4. See dating as an adventure to try new things

Clients tell me that they worry about ‘wasting time’ if the date doesn’t go anywhere after the first or second date. So why not see dating as an adventure to try new things? Make a list of places that you’d love to visit or activities that you’d love to try and start ticking things off the list, then if it doesn't go anywhere beyond the first date, you’ve still had fun in the process.

5. Recruit a dating wing woman

You may encounter a whole spectrum of emotions on your dating journey so ask a friend (someone who is positive and optimistic about online dating) to be your dating wing woman to support you and keep your spirits up when you need a boost.

Online dating gets a bad rep but if you think about it, never before have we been more supported and empowered in our love lives. You get to choose how to make online dating work for you (and not the other way around). So if you haven’t been enjoying online dating recently then try approaching it in a different way and see how that helps you to enjoy it more.

The power to change the course of your love life is in your hands and yours alone. And that is an incredibly liberating place to be.

V x

PS Let’s talk more - I would love to hear from you! Drop me an email on <hello[@]> if any of this resonated or if you have any questions or comments. And let me know how you get on with the tips - I really hope they make a difference to you.

PPS If you’re reading this and feeling like you could really do with some help and support in your love life then check out ‘Get Ready for Love’, our 30 day online course that has helped 500+ women learn how to approach dating in a loving way and how to get ready for a healthy and happy relationship. As well as having Selina and me as your co-pilots on your 30 day journey, bringing you videos and audio tutorials bursting with energy and love, you would also have access to our private FB group full of like-minded women who support and celebrate each other to grow - it’s gorgeous. We look forward to welcoming you in there!

PODCAST | an interview with one of the biggest Love Ambassadors we have ever met

Vicki and I have been talking a lot recently about what it is to be an Ambassador of Love in life - to proactively spread love out in the world through action - the work that you do, through charity and through random acts of kindness and love.

And so we were SO excited to meet Gayle Berry when she joined Project Love 365 (our membership programme to support you designing a life you love).

Gayle is THE biggest Ambassador of Love I think I have ever met. From the work that she does, to the charity she helps to run to the #mamakindness campaign she ran recently.

Gayle is a Queen of LOVE.

She stands SO firmly in love and just hearing her talk about her work, her relationship, her family and the way she approaches life is truly inspiring.

So if you have ever wanted to do work you love, make a difference in the world, have a loving and happy relationship or help to spread more love out into the world, then tune in and be inspired...

x Selina


Find out more and follow Gayle…

Her baby massage business:

Love Support Unite - the charity:

This is a GORGEOUS and inspiring video about what they do: (watch this space for a podcast interview with the women that started it!)

Get your hands on the love specs here:

And check out Gayle’s #lovecreateslove campaign:

And to listen to the podcast I mention on Goddess Archetypes, head over here

The power of projects when you’re starting a business or changing career

For those of you with dreams and ideas of changing career or starting your business (or making any life change for that matter) then THE BEST way to try things out and see what it is you really enjoy, is to set yourself small 1-3 month projects that allow you to try on your ideas for size and bring your dreams to life in small ways.

When I was trying out different career and business ideas I turned them all into mini projects. In fact I have built my whole career out of projects and the projects that didn't work out were often the ones where I learnt the greatest lessons.

Here is a video that I pulled out of the archives where I share about a 6 week business that I ran, that taught me SO much about what I did and didn't like AND gave me the experience of setting up a business from start to finish.

Excuse the slightly glowing and smudged quality of the video - video effects had just arrived on iphone in those days and I was getting experimental!

x Selina
P.S. If you are ready to make a change in your life or career then come and join our Project Love 365 membership programme - we'll show you how to do it AND you'll get my support as you make those changes happen (you can join for £25/month OR LESS!)

Come and join in the fun in Project Love 365 THIS JULY!

The doors to Project Love 365 are OPEN again!

Haven't heard about Project Love 365 yet? Well, it is our new membership programme where we get to spend ALL YEAR with you (or as long as you want to be part of the club) helping you to create a life and relationships you love, one project at a time.

The moment you join you get our guide on 'How to choose your own personal project to design a life you love' and access to the wonderful 365 facebook Community where you can hang out with us and like-minded women all committed to creating lives, careers and relationships they love.

Then every month you get online workshops (check out the amazing special guest we have at our online workshop this month!) and 'Q&A and Coaching Sessions' - Vicki running one on 'Love & relationships' and Selina running one on 'Projects, Career and LIfe Design' (you can join all workshops and sessions LIVE or watch the recording).

Here is what members of Project Love 365 have been saying...

“I can’t speak highly enough of what Selina and Vicki are doing to create a beautiful community of women wanting to change their lives for the better

I signed up for Project Love 365 to help me with my career change and after just two months I am now well on my way to finding a job I love! I have gone from having no idea of what I want to do to having signed up to retrain as a graphic designer and connecting with people in the industry to help me achieve my dream of having a creative career”

— Kath, Project Love 365 member

I love the framework of consciously designing your life, as well as the ongoing ’treats’ that the girls deliver, whether it’s a task to do, a group online session or a fab expert coming in, teaching us a new skill or perspective. Also I really benefit from being a part of an amazing group of inspiring, wholehearted, wonderful women. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s such a worthwhile investment.”

— Anna, Cornwall, Project Love 365 Member

If that sounds good to you then...

Here is what we have going on in July in 365...

(All online events are recorded so that you can join us live or watch the recording whenever you want)

Online Workshop | The hidden power of not (always) fitting in
with special guest, TED Talk speaker and best-selling author Marianne Cantwell

We are SO excited about welcoming TED Talk Speaker and best-selling author of 'Be a Free Range Human', Marianne Cantwell to our monthly Project Love 365 Online Show. We'll be going in depth into the topic of liminality and the power of not (always) fitting in from her recent TED Talk (that has been going viral - OVER 100K views and counting!).


Projects, Life Design & Career 'Q&A and Coaching' Session with Selina

If you're feeling stuck in a rut in your career or you're looking to make some positive changes to your lifestyle then join Selina for this 1 hour Life Design & Career Coaching and Q&A session. You can ask your questions around designing a life you love and making changes to your career or lifestyle. If you turn up to the live session you might even have a chance to get some on-the-spot coaching.


Love & Relationships 'Q&A and Coaching Session' with Vicki

If you're feeling stuck in an area of your love life or if you'd like to explore ways to improve an area of your relationship then join Vicki for this 1 hour Love and Relationships Coaching and Q&A session. You can ask your questions around finding love, dating and making love last. If you turn up to the live session you might even have a chance to get some on-the-spot coaching.


Quarterly London Meet-up! 12th July, 7.30-9.30pm

We're holding our quarterly London Meet-up for Project Love 365 members. A chance to hang out with us and the other women on the programme to talk about life, love and the projects you've been getting up to this month, so that you can draw inspiration and help from one another and enjoy hanging out with like-minded women.



A guide on 'How to choose your own personal project'


At Project Love we are all about taking action and bringing about long-lasting positive change in our lives and so with Project Love 365 you will create your own personal project to focus on - whether it's for a month, 3 months or a year.

When you sign up to PL365 you'll receive a starter pack that will show you how to choose a project that is right for you.


Project Love 365 private online community


If you’ve ever done one of our Project Love courses before then you’ll know how gorgeous and powerful the Project Love online communities are. And now you get to have one that you can tap into all year round.

Because when you join Project Love 365 you become part of a global community of women, all committed to creating a life and relationship you love. We love hanging out in there!

And best part is...

You can sign up for just £25/month OR LESS!

So if that sounds good to you then come on over and sign up today!

A message to the next generation about the power of sisterhood

For the past four years I’ve been enjoying being part of a growing sisterhood community. We gather together in circles in person and on whatsapp and talk about what is going on in our lives. We celebrate the things that are going well, share the challenges and the heartaches and set intentions for our lives and what we want to contribute to the world around us.

It can sound super cheesey from the outside, but every woman that has had their first experience of a sister circle has had the same response: ‘I really needed that’.

And I believe that as women we really do need it.

There is something about women coming together and supporting one another that seems to nourish and heal us on a very deep level

Which is why the sister circles that I’m part of are held in such high esteem and love by the women that are part of them.

And which is why we are always encouraging women to have a go at their own sister circles – to experience the simplicity and power of them.

So today I wanted to share with you a poem that expresses the power and beauty of sisterhood.

It was written last month to welcome little Loli into the world. She is the first baby girl to have been born into our sisterhood crew and when her mother was planning her naming ceremony she asked all of the women in the sister circle to write something about what sisterhood meant to them, so that it could be woven together and read out at the ceremony.

And so here are the words that Loli’s godmother (also part of the sister circle) stood up and read out at a ceremony to welcome her god daughter into the world. A message of love and sisterhood, woven from the words of the sisterhood of women that support her mother.

“Sisterhood exists.
And it is truly powerful

It's the strength of a united force
One that's immediate with the women you surround yourself with
And one that’s universal with your sisters from around the world

Sisterhood creates a space of nourishment and love
A place to celebrate your everyday joys and triumphs
And one to hold one another when joy seems far away

Sisterhood is where you are supported when you are at your most vulnerable
It's a space to listen, and to be heard
For both the laughter
And where you ask for help

Sisterhood is surrounding yourself with women
whose energy ignites your spirit.
A space to grow and flourish.

It is listening without judgement,
Without needing to give advice.
It is allowing women to be beautifully real
And fearlessly be themselves

Sisterhood exists.
And it is truly powerful

It’s a force that when it’s awakened
has the power to heal
both one another
And the world around us

Loli –You will always have the support and strength of your mama's sisters around you.  And with this, hopefully, you will learn how to choose and find your own sisterhood.

Which is one of the most powerful things a girl can have.”

X Selina

P.S. If you want to start your own sister circle (all you need is three of you to create one) then download our ‘Guide to starting a sister circle’

PODCAST: Real Love Story with Luke Montgomery-Smith

If you're looking to have you spirits lifted this week then listen in to this beautiful love story of the gorgeous Luke Montgomery-Smith and his girlfriend Gina. Tune in to hear Luke talk about finding love when he wasn’t expecting it, how relationships can heal and the clarity that can be found when leaning into loneliness.

Luke had seen strong and loving relationships growing up but wasn't convinced this kind of relationship was available to him. It wasn't until he let his guard down and allowed himself to fall in love that things developed. I was so inspired by his openness and level of vulnerability and honesty.  

I hope you enjoy this as much as I loved recording it

V xxx

Monthly ONLINE WORKSHOPS with Project Love 365


If you were busy enjoying the sunshine last week (for those of you that are in the sunny parts of the world) you may have missed the big announcement that we have opened the doors to a brand new programme - Project Love 365 - our online membership programme for women that want to live lives and enjoy relationships in which they flourish.

When you join Project Love 365 you’ll learn how to design a life you love, one project at a time and how to nourish your relationship with yourself and others so that the love flows.

PLUS you’ll be tapped into inspiration, guidance and a wonderful community of like-minded women 365 days of the year with exclusive monthly content and live online sessions.

All that for as little as £18/month!

We’ve been running 365 in beta for the past 3 months with a group of 50 women and they really have been flourishing in life, from changing career, to planning big adventures this summer, to focusing on self-care for the first time, to going on their first date in two years.

So if that sounds like the kind of change you want to make to your life then come and find out all about Project Love 365 over here.

How to turn down the volume on your Shitty Committee

As part of your 365 package, you get an exclusive live online workshop every month.

The NEXT 365 workshop is on June 6th and it’s going to be a juicy one: ‘How to turn the volume down on your Shitty Committee’.

Everyone has a Shitty Committee - it’s that inner critical, negative voice that is quick to tell you where you’re going wrong, why you’re not good enough and why the life you dream of will never happen. For some of us it bubbles up now and again when something doesn’t go to plan, for others of us it accompanies us 24/7 and never lets up.

The good news is that, no matter how loud it is, you do have the power to turn the volume down on your Shitty Committee and in our 365 Workshop we’re going to show you exactly how to do that PLUS we'll be sharing with you new strategies that we have developed to help you deal with your Shitty Committee (strategies we’ve only had the chance to share with our 1-2-1 clients up until now).

So come and join us in June and let’s get that SC volume turned right down! (if you can't join us on the 6th then you get the recording to watch at any time)


Hope to see you there!

x Selina & Vicki

*FREE* ONLINE Project Love Salon | Self-love for busy women | 22 May

Project Love Salon - self-love-for-busy-women

Join us!

This Monday, 22nd May at 1pm (UK time)

for a very special ONLINE Project Love Salon
that we are putting on for FREE!

"Self-love for busy women"

We'll be digging deep into the topic of practicing self love even when you have a jam-packed schedule.

You'll learn how to design your own self-love toolkit based around your lifestyle and we'll be sharing with you what our own personal self-love practices are and how we work them into our own busy lives.

And as a special summer treat we're inviting you to join us for this online Project Love Salon for free.

All you need to do is sign up here for your free ticket and we'll let you know how to join us for the live online Salon on Monday 22nd at 1pm (UK time) 

And when you sign up we'll send you the recording afterwards so you can watch it any time.

We're so looking forward to another great online Salon with you!

x Selina and Vicki

P.S. This is free to everyone - the more the merrier! So please do share this with your friends and on social

How to create your own daily self-love matter how busy you are

I’m writing this to you at 6.18am under a cosy blanket with a hot cup of tea. I love being the first one up, the flat totally silent.
It is pure, guilt-free, nowhere-else-I-need-to-be me time. There's no other time of day where I feel this sense of calm, peace and stillness. I've been practicing this morning ritual for the last few months. It’s my new personal ‘project love’.

And it’s much needed...towards the end of last year I was feeling burnt out and exhausted, struggling to find time for me, my calendar bulging with work commitments. Basically too much pink (in my colour coded google calendar, pink is work) and not enough green (wellbeing and me time) and so I decided that this year was about being more green and scheduling myself into my calendar. I realised that the mornings were the one time of day that I could claim as my own. And so now mornings have become sacred to me, giving me space to reflect, be still, take stock and check-in with myself. They set the tone for the day and I have become so fond of this time with me, like catching up with an old friend.

I start with a journalling exercise ‘morning pages’, a tool from the book ‘The Artist's Way’. The idea is that you write a stream of consciousness when you wake up (3 pages specifically), to ‘get to the other side’ (as Julia Cameron would say, author of the book). I’ve been writing about anything and everything that’s been percolating when I wake up. Sometimes it’s profound, other times it’s more like a pity party for one (which Julia encourages as any whinging and complaining needs to be processed so you can move on and get on with your day!).

I've been approaching the project like a builder, adding more layers as the ones before get stronger. A morning gratitude practice has been added in, writing down things I’m thankful for, including ways I am grateful and proud of myself. Some days are more challenging than others and some mornings I feel like I have nothing to say but persistence is key. Recently I’ve also been using guided meditations on Headspace and I've been dabbling with morning exercise but still resisting that one to be honest (working on it!). On the days that I have a little more time I've been indulging in a morning bubble bath and audiobook (currently listening to Caroline Myss’s Energy Anatomy and it is blowing my mind). It feels sort of rebellious, like I’ve been let in on a well kept secret.

Through this process, I've discovered that what I need the most is just to be heard. I am the speaker and the listener. And I’m feeling the effects of it already. I am complaining less out loud, I feel calmer, clearer, more connected to myself and connected to what's important to me. I feel more control of my day and better able to deal with challenges when they arise. And I feel more engaged with life.

What it all comes down to is treating myself like a good friend, with love, kindness, respect and devotion. Spending quality time with me. This sacred time has become like oxygen to me. I need it. I crave it. The main thing I've learnt is how to trust myself. I have a sort of quiet confidence that no matter what happens during the day, I can handle it. Feeling like “I've got this”.

That is the power of having a daily self-love practice.

And it doesn’t matter how busy you are, even with just 2 minutes a day, you can create a self-love ritual for yourself. And you really will feel the difference.

So if you want to learn how to design your own self-love practice, no matter how busy you are, then come and join us at our next Online Project Love Salon event  ‘Self-love for busy women’ on 22nd May at 1pm UK time.

We'll be digging deep into the topic of practicing self love even when you have a jam packed schedule. You'll learn how to design your own self-love toolkit based around your lifestyle and we'll be sharing with you what our own personal self-love practices are and how we work them into our own busy lives.

And as a special summer treat, it’s totally free!

>>> To register for a free ticket to the event and receive the recording from us afterwards SIGN UP OVER HERE

Plus we’ll be announcing an exciting new Project Love membership programme that we've been experimenting with for the last 3 months (with great results for us and the women that have been doing it with us!) and now we're ready to open the doors to you too!

V x

PODCAST: Interview with Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution'

We have a treat of a podcast for you, as we got to interview Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution: A Quieter Mind, a Calmer You'. Chloe, a clinical hypnotherapist and anxiety expert, wrote 'The Anxiety Solution' to help women manage modern anxiety triggers like perfectionism, social media pressure, people pleasing, fear of failure and fear of success.

Listen in to hear us discuss why anxiety is affecting more women than men (research shows that women are twice as likely to experience anxiety than men), how anxiety can show up in our love lives and why it’s so exhausting to be everyone’s cup of tea. Plus a whole lot more. We absolutely loved talking to Chloe! 

Listen to the podcast below or download it over on iTunes or Soundcloud

Lots of love,

Selina & Vicki XX

PODCAST | Women who follow their hearts | interview with Victoria Roberts

For our second podcast in the series ‘Women who follow their hearts’ I got to interview one of my coaching clients - the wonderful Victoria Roberts. She has been on a beautiful journey of transformation over the last few years and I wanted her to share her story to inspire others that it is never too late to change...

Victoria came to me two years ago when she was living a fast-paced life in London. On paper it looked like she had a great life - money was good and she had a busy social life, with lots of friends and a successful career. But when we finally chatted on the phone she burst into tears. This wasn't the life she wanted to be living. Something was missing but she wasn't sure what. All she knew was that something needed to change.

After that first teary phone call Vic embarked on an amazing journey during which we saw her transform her relationship with herself, her love life, how she lives and what she does for a career.

She is a wonderful and inspiring example of someone who, despite the fear (and there was a lot of it at times) remained true to her commitment to creating a life and career that she loved.

I won’t spoil the surprise and tell you what her new career path is but I will say that in October she will be our special guest on our Project Love Salon that month and we expect it to be packed out…

So with that I will leave you to have a listen in. My heart was bursting by the end of it - I hope you’ll find it equally as inspiring and heart-warming.

Lots of love,

x Selina

P.S. IF YOU'RE READY TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE OR CAREER (even if you don't know what that change might be) then come and check out my 3 month 1-2-1 'Design a Life You Love' coaching programme - I am opening up the doors to two new clients this month. So if you're ready to make a career or life change then that client could be you!

>>> Head over here to arrange a call with me.

PODCAST | How to set healthy boundaries and learn the art of saying 'no'

We’ve got a fresh new podcast for you to enjoy, all about the importance of setting healthy boundaries and learning to say 'no' (the loving way).

It’s a topic that has been coming up a lot lately among our Project Love communities and our friends. It seems to be something everyone knows they need to get good at, but they get stuck on how to do it.

And so we’ve dug in deep and taken a look at why it is so important, why people often get stuck when it comes to setting boundaries and saying ’no’ to people, and how to do it the healthy loving way.

Listen to it below or download it over on iTunes or Soundcloud

Lots of love,

Selina & Vicki

Our *new* podcast series | Women who follow their heart | first interview with the beautiful Laura Lee

Laura Lee

We have such a delicious treat for you this week: The first in our series of interviews where we talk to women who have had the courage to follow their heart.

Our aim with these interviews is for you to feel inspired, fired up and connected to a tribe of women who, like you, are committed to following their heart in life.

This is your tribe.

And we want their stories to inspire you to continue following your own heart in life more and more.

So to kick things off we have an interview with the wonderful and inspiring Laura Lee.

(You can also download this podcast (and our whole Project Love podcast series) over on iTunes or Soundcloud)

Two years ago she was settled in her marriage and job in London and had just completed her first album with her band, Kurangbing. She felt change was ahead, but wasn’t sure what that change would be and was afraid of what that change could bring.

Two years later and her life looks totally different. Things changed exactly as she had feared and more, but that change turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened. Not just for her, but for all involved.

I won't spoil it for you by telling you what happens, only to say it is a truly beautiful story of transformation and one that has been a huge source of inspiration to me and the people around her.

I came away so full of love after recording it.

I hope you will too.

x Selina

P.S. if you are ready to make a career change then make sure you check out our 'Career Change Day' intensive - it's on 8th May and with only 4 spaces available you must apply by TODAY

Imposter you suffer from it?

We have a juicy podcast for you this week on 'Imposter Syndrome' - something that a LOT of people seem to suffer from these days.

It's that feeling that any minute now you're going to be found out for being a fraud. That you're not everything people seem to think you are. That you don't deserve the position you have. That it's all been a big mistake and soon people are going to figure it out.

So why are so many people, including a lot of big name celebrities, suffering from this? And if it's something you suffer from, what can you do about it?

Tune in to deep dive into the topic with us.

You can also subscribe to all of our podcasts and download them over on iTunes and Soundcloud

Who are the women that inspire you most? LET THEM KNOW IT TODAY on International Women's Day

Happy International Women’s Day!

Over at Project Love this year, we are celebrating International Women’s Day by thanking the women that inspire us.

From our best friends, to our work colleagues, to the women in the world whose words, actions and creations have inspired us.

And we are inviting you to do the same…

Because when women drop the comparison and competition with one another and instead create a chain of women helping women, inspiring one another and thanking one another for all that they do and all that they are in the world, magic happens.

Women step fully into their power, a power that is fueled and magnified by the support and love of other women.

So give it a go today and join that chain.


So who are the women that you would like to thank?


Think of all the women that inspire you and choose your top three at the moment.


Write down the reasons WHY they inspire you so much. What is it about them?

What are the qualities that they possess that you most admire? Courage, empathy, love, passion, strength, resilience, wholeheartedness, boldness, self-expression...etc

Take some time to think about what it is about them and the way they are in the world that most inspires you about them.


Write them a letter, send them a text, tweet them, email them, drop them a line on instagram. Whether it’s your sister, Michelle Obama, your boss or Bjork. Reach out and thank them.

Thank them for the ways that they inspire you.

Thank them for having the courage to be who they are.

Thank them for all they have done to get to where they are today.

Thank them for the way they contribute to the world.

And then let them be your guide

Choose the woman from your list of three that inspires you the most at the moment.
And let her be your guide and inspiration for the rest of the year.

If you know her personally, spend time with her, ask her questions, learn from her.

If you don’t know her, read up about her, read the things that she has to say, learn about her story, the challenges she has over-come, the lessons she has learnt, the beliefs that guide her in life.

And as you hold her up as your inspiration, know this: the qualities you see in her, that you so admire, are qualities that you have in you.

That is why you have chosen her as your guide, because whether you are aware of it or not, you see yourself and your potential reflected in her.

She and you are far more similar than you might realise.

You are part of the same tribe.

Which is why she calls to you and awakens something within you.

And which is why she will be able to show you how to step into your true power, just as someone did for her.

Let her inspire you and show you the way.

X Selina & Vicki

P.S. Global Sisterhood Day is on 18th March - book a handful of girlfriends in on that day to run a sister circle and experience the power of sisterhood. If you’re new to sister circles and have never done one before YOU ARE IN FOR A TREAT - download our free guide to running a sister circle over here

Write yourself a love letter this Valentine's day

This year, in true Project Love style, we are hijacking Valentine's Day and making it all about self-love. Instead of making this day of love all about romantic love and focusing your attention on others that you love or lust after, we want you to turn all that love right around and in on yourself, starting with the way that you speak to yourself. 

Why? Because learning to speak to yourself like you would your best friend - with love and support - is one of the most powerful things you can do. It is a life changer and key to your happiness and success.

Just imagine what it would be like to spend a day with a voice in your head that was loving and supportive, that was always there for you, that had your back and would remind you that you were loved.

Wouldn’t that feel great?

Imagine all the things you would have the confidence to do. You would make yourself a top priority in life and fill that life with the things that made you happy. You would look after yourself well, follow your dreams and design a life for yourself that you truly loved. A life that would feel as good as it looked.

Now think about the voice that you tend to use on yourself day to day. Often we are our own harshest critics, with a voice in our head that is constantly pointing out what we have done wrong or how we should have done better.

A day of listening to that is exhausting, feels rubbish and has you playing small.

So this Valentine’s Day we are encouraging everyone to turn up the volume on their loving inner voice to hear what it has to say.

How? By writing a letter to you, from your wise older self.

It is a simple exercise that can be surprisingly powerful.

The idea is that you imagine your wise older 80 year old self is sending a message back to the woman you are today. She has the gift of hindsight and knows that everything works out well for you in the end and right now she wants to give you some encouragement, love and support at this point in your life.

You might at first think that you won’t be able to come up with anything, but people are usually surprised at how much this side of them believes in them and loves them.

We invite you to give it a go and share with us how you get on!

Here is what you do:

1. Treat yourself to some special letter writing paper (some lovely sets over at Paperchase)

2. Download 'The Project Love Guide to Writing Yourself a Letter from your Wise, Older Self'

3. Share your favourite line from the letter you wrote to yourself over on Twitter using #selfloveletter and @ProjectLove or why not take a photo of your letter and share it with us on Instagram using #selfloveletter and @loveprojectlove

We will be sharing your love letters during Valentine’s Week <3

Selina & Vicki x

PS for those in London, we will be at Paperchase (Tottenham Court Rd store) on Weds 8th Feb for an evening of self love and letter writing - tickets here - come and write your love letter with us!


Selina's Top 5 Lessons on Designing a Life She Loves


We are getting ready (and getting very excited) to get going on our brand new Design a Life You Love in 2017 course that starts THIS MONDAY, 16th January

>>> This way if you want to join us!

And so Selina - the queen of designing a life you love - jumped in front of the camera today to share her personal top 5 lessons when it comes to creating a life that she loves.

For those of you that don't know about Selina's journey, over the past 10 years she has designed her life to give her the freedom, adventure, love, creativity and fulfillment that she needs to feel happy and alive. 

In 2009 she became her own boss and started doing the work that she loved - coaching and writing. In 2010 she left London and took off on a 6 month adventure, living and working from a camper van named Beryl. In 2011, with her business in a bag, she worked from amazing places all over the world - the beaches of Costa Rica, Buenos Aires, the icy Chilean Fjords, sunny California and the mountains of Canada. In 2012 she went on a journey of self-love and transformed her love life (with the magic and help of Vicki) and since then she has been creating a home and lifestyle that she loves with her new family in London, whilst growing Project Love into a flourishing business with Vicki.

Here are the top 5 lessons she has learnt in all those years of designing a life she loves to live.


Why New Year’s Resolutions are OUT and intention setting is IN

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As I write this I’m sitting in one of my favourite cafes, with a warm latte in one hand and my Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017 sheets laid out in front of me.

I look forward every year to doing this exercise.

To me there is magic in those pages. They capture what is really important in life - the lessons learnt, the love we’ve felt, the things we feel most grateful for. They offer a chance to record the highs, the lows, the experiences that shaped us, to bow our head for a moment in memory of the people we may have lost and smile as we think of the people who we have felt the most grateful for having in our lives.

It’s not about looking back and just thinking of the good times, but acknowledging the tough times too and that we made it through.

From that grounded foundation of gratitude the guide then takes you through a process where you create an intention for the year lying ahead and this is where for me, over the past seven years since creating and using this guide, I’ve really started to see something powerful happen…

The power of setting an intention for the year

In the first few years I would figure out a word or a phrase that conjured up what I wanted the year to be about. 2011 for example was ‘My Year of Adventure’ - the year that I quit my life in London and travelled all over the UK for 6 months living and working from a campervan named Beryl.

It was inspiring to call it this, knowing what plans lay ahead, but it was less of an intention and more of a ‘title’ for the year.

But in 2014 something happened that opened up the door to a whole new world of intention setting.

As I stood on a beach in Goa and looked out at the sea I asked the question ‘what do I want this next year to be all about?’ and after a moment a most unexpected answer came to me…

‘To really learn to love myself and treat myself like a princess’.

I laughed in surprise. A princess?! I would never have consciously set that intention for myself. That just wasn’t who I was or who I wanted to be. And yet deep down I knew that it was what I needed.

I trusted the source that I felt it had come from and so I went with it...

And that intention transformed my life.

And so since then, that is how I have set my intention every year. Rather than consciously creating an intention that supports the ambitions and commitments I have planned for that year, I now always allow the intention to emerge.

I love the magic of that - it feels as if my intention has been chosen for me by my wise inner guide.

Rather than looking out at other people’s lives and creating a shopping list of the things I think I want to achieve, experience and have and then creating an intention that I think will help me to get that eg. I want to make more money this year so I’ll create an intention of ‘Abundance’. I am instead asking myself on a deeper level ‘what do I really need to grow?’.

Deepak Chopra talks about the importance of ‘slipping into the gap’ before you set an intention - going ‘beyond the ego-mind into the silence and stillness of pure consciousness’.

This is the equivalent of me meditating on the beach that day and then walking into the sea before asking myself what my intention for the year would be.

To do it for yourself, just think about those times when you feel present and deeply in the moment. For you it might be when you’re out in nature, meditating, doing yoga or standing at the seashore…or sometimes all it takes is to be by yourself, be still and go inwards.

Once you feel that sense of peacefulness and connectedness, it’s simply a matter of asking the question and allowing the answer to emerge.

This can take practice. And if you feel you are still coming from a place of lack or need then try this: when your first answer pops into your head, write it down and then ask yourself ‘what do I really need this year to be about?’ and repeat that up to 5 times. This helps you to strip back and step away from what you think you want and need, towards what you really need.

Then it is time to commit - this part is essential

I always know when an intention is right for me because I feel a surge of expansive energy as it emerges. It excites me. It somehow feels ‘right’ even though it nearly always takes me by surprise.

I trust it.

And in that moment I commit to that intention.

Without my commitment to that intention it remains nothing more than a passing moment.

By committing to it, I give it power.

In fact I would say I surrender to it.

I have no idea of how it will manifest, I’m not attached to any outcomes. I have ideas of what I can do to help bring that intention to life, but that is it.

Setting an intention is like planting a seed and watching it grow.

Dr Wayne Dyer who wrote a lot on this topic, sees intention ‘not as something you do—but as an energy you’re a part of. A field of energy that you can access to begin co-creating your life’.

Now that is exciting to me.

And it would have once sounded a bit ‘woo-woo’ to me, but it really rings true with what I have experienced in my intention setting over the past few years.

Now there ARE other kinds of intention setting where you do plant deliberate seeds of intention of things you wish to happen in your life and then feed those seeds of intention with visualisations and practical action, to manifest them into being, but for my New Year’s intention I like to hand over to that deeper self, who is not at all interested in what I wish to achieve in the outer world and is only concerned with my spiritual growth.

And so I have already been given my mission for 2017: to create my life as a space in which I flourish.

I couldn’t tell you what that will look like or what journey that intention will take me on, but I’m already resisting it which is always a good sign that the journey has let’s see what happens.

And let’s see what your intention for 2017 does for you.

Let the magic happen!

X Selina

P.S. If you haven’t downloaded your 'Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017' Guide then you can download it for free here

P.P.S. Our brand new 4 week online course 'Design a Life you Love in 2017' kicks off on 16th Jan! Join us and learn how to step into your power and design and live a year you really love - Full details over here!

* Our new online course is here! *

IT’S HERE! <insert excited noises, hand claps, wooping> 

Design a Life you Love in 2017

Our brand new 4-week online course
that will have you creating a vision and a plan for 2017
to make it your best year yet!

This course has been in the making for a long time and so we are beyond EXCITED to finally share it with you!

Whether you're looking to make a change in your life in 2017, wanting to make a dream or idea happen or if you simply want to make 2017 a year where you make it less about work and more about YOU, then join us!

Over the the 4 weeks, you will:

  • Get clear on the key ingredients you need to be happy and fulfilled in life, work and relationships
  • Create a vision and a picture of what you want your life to look like in 2017 and beyond
  • Design a practical plan that will bring that vision to life
  • Learn the best life design tools and techniques that will help you make sure that plan happens
  • Clear the blocks that get in the way of you living life the way you really want to
  • Get inspired and share your journey with a whole tribe of other life designers making their own dreams and ideas happen

Want in? 


** Sign up THIS week and you’ll receive a BONUS audio visualisation that will get you feeling FULL of love and looking forward to what lies ahead for you in 2017 **

Selina & Vicki x


Our first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon | How to create a life you love in 2017

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If I gave you a magic wand and told you you could make anything happen in your life in 2017, what would you wish for?

What aspects of your life would you change? What would you keep the same? Is there any area of your life that you would completely transform?

Pause and think about it for a moment…

Imagine you had swished that wand and were living life exactly the way you want to be.

What would that life look like?

How would it feel?

It’s so important that we each take the time to step back, at least a couple of times a year, to ask ourselves questions like these.

Is this the life I want to be living? Is there anything I wish were different? How do I want to feel? Am I feeling that way? And if this isn’t the life I want to be living and if I’m not feeling the way I want to feel, what can I do to change that?

What can I do?

Because whether you realise it or not, you really do have the power to change any area of your life that isn’t making you happy.

We all have the capacity to change and transform our lives.

THAT is our magic as human beings.

No other animal is able to dream things up that don’t yet exist and then bring those dreams to life.

You created the life you are living today. And you can create the life that you just dreamt up a moment ago.

It’s as if we were all born with magic wands at our fingertips.

And when you start to discover and use that magic, your whole experience of life transforms.

You become the conscious creator at the source of your own life. And that is power.

It is key to creating a life you love.

Because living a life you love doesn’t happen by accident. People who are truly happy and fulfilled in life didn’t just fall into it, they weren’t just lucky. They created that life for themselves.


Well that is what life design is all about and on 12th December (next Monday) we’ll be exploring this topic in full in our first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon: ‘How to Create a Life you love in 2017’

We’ll be looking at how people who have created lives they love have done it. What some of the key changes are that people make in life and how they go about it and we’ll be giving you some top tips on how to create a clear vision for your life and how to bring that vision alive in 2017.

And as a special Xmas treat to you this first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon is free to attend!

All you have to do is grab a FREE ticket over here (and if you happen to not be able to make it on the 12th, then we will send you the recording after the event, but you must sign up here to receive it)

Come and join us and start planning what it is you want to make happen in your life in 2017 and we’ll show you the tools to help you do that.

And we'll also be announcing some exciting news on the night which we can't wait to share with you!

See you there,

X Selina & Vicki