PODCAST | Why we all need to learn how to grieve - interview with co-founder of the Bridge, Donna Lancaster

 

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on Apple Podcast (iTunes) and Spotify

I never thought grief would be a topic I’d get excited about…I thought it was something that you went through when you lost a loved one. Something hard and painful that you had to endure until hopefully, one day, you were out the other side.

But then I met Donna Lancaster and did her Bridge Retreat (which she co-founded with fellow psychotherapist Gabi Krueger) - a six-day deep healing experience that was honestly THE most profound journey I have ever been on (you can find out all about it over here). I have done a lot of individual and group self-development and healing over the years and nothing compares to this. It’s an emotional detox that brings you back in connection with yourself, others and the world in a way that is truly, deeply, life changing.

Both Vicki and I did the Bridge Retreat last year and we’ve been recommending it to our friends and clients ever since, particularly when they are feeling at a crossroads in life, feeling lost, burnt out or feeling ready to do some deep healing work on old wounds.

And one of the key parts of the Bridge experience is learning how to grieve. And not just grieve the loss of loved ones who have passed away (although it is great for that), but to grieve any and all kinds of loss in life - from loss of innocence, to divorce, losing the life you once knew after having kids, losing connection with yourself during a bout of depression, losing a parent that moved out when you were young etc.

Giving yourself the time, space and tools to deeply grieve returns you to yourself and in full connection with your heart in a way that you may not have ever have ever experienced before.

As Donna says:

“Through allowing and supporting the natural order of the grieving process to flow, people find themselves remembering who they really are and living from this true place. When there is ‘unfinished business’ in our lives, it is very hard to move on and engage with life fully. Grieving allows us to cross the bridge from past hurts and sorrow into a place of lightness and joy.”

And THAT is why we’re so in love with the topic of grief and grieving now too. Because we’ve experienced first-hand how it returns you to yourself and guides you back into a place of love, connection, wholeness and joy.

Which is why we’ve been wanting to get Donna on the podcast, ever since we did the Bridge, to talk about grief, love, healing, ritual and so much more and so that you could spend some time yourself with Donna who truly is an amazing woman, with so much wisdom and love to offer (not to mention 25 years of experience in working with individuals and groups and training with some of the most amazing teachers in the world). Even just 45 minutes of her on this podcast will leave you feeling somehow lighter.

>>> Listen to the podcast now by hitting play above or heading over to Apple Podcast or Spotify (we celebrate every new review we get on Apple podcast, so we'd love it if you added one!)

So as you go about your day to day this week or as you lie enjoying the sun on holiday, tune into this episode and let Donna’s words inspire and move you.

And if you want MORE from Donna then head over to the Vulnerable Podcast where our friend Rochelle also interviewed Donna (we literally tag teamed that day) where they talk about Donna’s personal story which is SO powerful, our warrior sides and how we seek out partners that are like our parents when we haven’t healed those wounds…and a whole lot more.

Basically, make this a Donna Lancaster week - she is true magic.

Thank you Donna.

x Selina
P.S. In our next episode we’ll be doing a half-way through the year review - a chance for us all to take a step back and see how the first half of the year has gone and create a plan and a focus for the next 6 months. If you did your Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018 then bring it along to the next podcast session!

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PODCAST: Why self-love is key when it comes to finding love and making love last

 

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on Apple Podcast (iTunes) and Spotify

Today we’re celebrating the 3rd birthday of Get Ready for Love - our 30 lesson online course that helps women to transform their love lives from the inside out.

It truly has been such a powerful course - in the three years since we launched it, 600+ women have been through the course, discovering the power of self-love and how to open up to invite love into their lives - we’ve already had a number of weddings and even babies amongst our Get Ready for Love community and we have received some wonderful features in the press with a fresh new one coming out in Red magazine in just a couple of weeks!

But what has been the most powerful of all has been to see so many women discover the power of self-love. They come alive with it and we get to witness it every day in the Love Zone - the incredible online community that has grown up around the Get Ready for Love course.

So we decided to dedicate this next Project Love podcast episode to the power and importance of self love when it comes to both finding love and making love last.

And we invited members of the Love Zone to share their stories and lessons on love with us so that we could share them with you, both in this podcast episode and on a brand new gallery we now have here where you can read stories and lessons on love shared by women who have been through the Get Ready for Love course. They are so moving!

So press play on this latest episode below or over on Apple podcast or Spotify and feed up on the love!

X Vicki & Selina

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Vulnerability in action with Allysa Rochelle from the Vulnerable Podcast

 
 

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on Apple Podcast (iTunes) and Spotify.

This week's episode on the blog is a bit of a different one and a special one.

 I was joined by Allysa Rochelle, founder and host of the brilliant Vulnerable Podcast to talk about vulnerability and demonstrate it in action...

I am such a huge fan of Rochelle (as she likes to be called) and of the powerful work she is doing with her podcast (and beyond). I have been so inspired and learnt so much from her and her guests from their deep dives into all sorts of topics from white supremacy, to hyper-masculinity to sex after trauma - conversations that all require vulnerability and openness. 

So I reached out to Rochelle a few months ago asking if she'd come on the Project Love podcast to talk about vulnerability and the Vulnerable Podcast. 

We met up and talked and she shared a little bit about her personal story - I’d had an inkling that there was quite a big story under there and that she was very much on her own personal healing journey and we arrived at the idea that she tell her story for the first time on the Project Love podcast, embracing and demonstrating vulnerability in action. 

And so that is what we did.

As such it is quite a long podcast but I didn’t want to cut it down - I wanted Rochelle to be able to tell her story uncut. The most courageous thing any of us can do.

So thank you for joining us to create the space for Rochelle’s story to be heard. And thank YOU Rochelle for having the courage and love to share it.

x Selina

Listen to Rochelle and her Vulnerable Podcast on iTunes or Soundcloud
Follow Rochelle on Instagram @Vulnerablepodcast and @allysarochelle

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PODCAST: Sex, self-love, orgasms and everything in between!

 
 

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on Apple Podcast (iTunes) and Spotify.

Ooh we can’t wait for you to get stuck into this week’s podcast! 

Selina got together with Victoria Helen Roberts - body image and intimacy coach and certified sexological bodyworker to talk about sex, self-pleasure, self-love, orgasms and everything in between.  

It is as juicy a podcast episode as you might expect it to be.

They talked about the taboo around discussing sex openly and honestly in our society - where that comes from and the impact it can have on us, the importance of exploring and experimenting when it comes to our bodies and what turns them on and why sometimes it’s best to take the orgasm off the menu for a bit to focus on the other aspects of sex and learning how to give your body pleasure all over. 

Victoria shared loads of practical tips about how to get back in touch with your body and improve your sex life, whether you’re in a relationship, single or somewhere in between. 

Honestly, it is SUCH a good one!

So hit play above or tune in over on iTunes and enjoy!

And as ever, if you’re a fan of our podcasts then it would make our day if you would leave us a review over on iTunes - every review makes a big difference in helping us to spread the love to even more people. 

Much love,

x Selina & Vicki

P.S. If you are used to finding our podcasts over on Soundcloud we have now moved over to Audioboom, so that soon you'll also be able to listen to our podcasts on Spotify. 

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PODCAST | Lessons from the world's first and only Happyologist!

 
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This week we caught up with the world’s first and only Happyologist - Susanna Halonen

Susanna has made it her life’s work to study happiness and is author of ‘Screw Finding your Passion’ and ‘Happiness is here - a 30 day guide to joy and fulfilment’.

She describes herself as a born pessimist who trained herself to be a happy optimist and now helps others to do the same.

So we joined her in her flat in London with her big cuddly dog to dive deep into the topic of happiness and what it really takes to live a happy and fulfilled life.

 

We talked about:

  • How happiness as a practice (just like love) and not a destination and certainly not a permanent state we can maintain 24/7.
  • The importance of allowing ourselves to feel negative emotions and how they in fact play an important role in us cultivating happiness in life.
  • How being successful in life is not what brings about happiness, but quite the opposite: cultivating happiness TODAY in your life is what will in fact help you to achieve your dreams.

Plus Susanna shares her top tips on practicing happiness on a day to day basis and even showed us how to make a gratitude practice even more powerful.

So snuggle up and enjoy a deep dive into happiness. We guarantee it will make you smile :)

And if you’re a fan of our podcast then make sure you subscribe over on iTunes aaaaaand we would LOVE it if you would leave us a review - every review helps us to spread the love that little bit further. Plus it makes our day.

x Selina & Vicki

P.S. For any recruitment consultants out there, we laughed at the idea of Selina once having a stint as a recruitment consultant, not to disrespect recruitment consultants, but because the idea of Selina in any office job always makes us laugh (think wild animal in a cage not being able to sit still).

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Our brand new Project Love *free* audio workshop | 'Self Love for busy women'

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Happy Day of Love!!!!!!!!! 💗 💗 💗

As we do every year, we are hijacking Valentine’s Day and making it all about SELF-love.

And to celebrate this special day we have created a brand new audio workshop for you: ‘Self Love for Busy Women’ - an in-depth workshop on the topic of self-love and how to find smart and easy ways to give yourself the love you need, even when you have a jam-packed schedule and barely any time for lunch!

If you're already part of the Project Love tribe then a link to the workshop will already be sitting in your inbox. Otherwise head on over here to sign up and we'll send you the workshop straight away!

In the workshop you will learn:

  • What we actually mean by self-love (and no, it’s not all bubble baths and expensive body lotions)

  • Why self-love is a radical act that has the power to transform your whole life

  • How to start a self-love practice if you’ve never done it before (and how to up your game if you have!)

  • Our four favourite ways to practice self-love

  • How to make TIME for a self-love practice, no matter how busy you are

  • How to use your calendar as your canvas to make self-love a permanent fixture in your life

    We've designed this audio workshop for you to keep in your back pocket and use any time you've managed to get so busy doing other things that you've accidentally forgotten about one of the most important people in your life...YOU.

Because loving yourself isn’t just a nice to have. It is the KEY to you living a life that you LOVE.

Because when you learn to truly love yourself and become THE source of love in your own life, everything changes. Your life transforms from the inside out.

If you're looking for a loving partner in life then self-love is the magic that will attract that person in.

If you have ambitions for this year - things you want to make happen, goals you want to achieve - then self-love is the fuel that will help you make it happen while remaining grounded, fulfilled and in flow.

If you’re in a relationship, self-love will feed and nourish that relationship, keeping the flames of love alight and if you're a mother, wanting to create a happy home for you and your family, then self-love is the key.

So let’s make this the year that we ALL take a stand together, reclaim ownership of our time and make self-love a TOP priority in our lives.

It's time for a self-love revolution!

So download the 'Self love for busy women' audio workshop and let's get it started!

x Selina & Vicki

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Our most popular 'Project Love' Podcasts for 2017

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As you get ready to pull the shutters down and fill your days with simple pleasures over the Christmas hols, we thought we'd set you up with a list of the most popular 'Project Love' podcasts THIS YEAR so that you can download them and fill your ears with them while you rest, eat and be merry.

It has been so wonderful to have so many people taking the time to tune in, and we can't wait to share more with you in the new year!

1. PODCAST | Women who follow their hearts | interview with Victoria Roberts

I got to interview one of my coaching clients - the wonderful Victoria Roberts. She has been on a beautiful journey of transformation over the last few years and I wanted her to share her story to inspire others that it is never too late to change more...

2. PODCAST: Interview with Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution'

An interview Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution: A Quieter Mind, a Calmer You'. Chloe, a clinical hypnotherapist and anxiety expert, wrote 'The Anxiety Solution' to help women manage modern anxiety triggers like perfectionism, social media pressure, people pleasing, fear of failure and fear of success.

3. PODCAST | How to set healthy boundaries and learn the art of saying 'no'

This Podcast is all about the importance of setting healthy boundaries and learning to say 'no' (the loving way). It’s a topic that has been coming up a lot lately among our Project Love communities and our friends. It seems to be something everyone knows they need to get good at, but they get stuck on how to do it.

4. PODCAST | How burn out and anxiety lead Kim Murray to find her purpose in life…benefitting us all!

We invited Kim Murray, founder of Happy Heads, into the Project Love studio so that she could share her beautiful story of transformation, that began with burn out and panic attacks brought on by a highly stressful period at work and had her going on a journey that not only brought her health back and left her feeling happier than ever before, but it also lead to her changing career and starting Happy Heads where she now teaches adults and children simple mindful tools to help them live happier, calmer and stress-free lives.

5. Imposter Syndrome...do you suffer from it?

This juicy podcast is on 'Imposter Syndrome' - something that a LOT of people seem to suffer from these days.
It's that feeling that any minute now you're going to be found out for being a fraud. That you're not everything people seem to think you are. That you don't deserve the position you have. That it's all been a big mistake and soon people are going to figure it out.
So why are so many people, including a lot of big name celebrities, suffering from this? And if it's something you suffer from, what can you do about it?

Lots of love

Selina & Vicki xxxx

 

For more Podcasts from Project Love click here

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PODCAST: The art of intuitive eating, listening to your body and feeding your soul

headshot of Pandora Symes - founder of Rooted London

To celebrate 'Self-Care Week’ this week we invited holistic nutritionist and founder of Rooted London, the delicious Pandora Symes, to join Selina for a deep-dive into the topic of intuitive eating, how to listen to your body and the importance of feeding your soul with what it really needs. 

This one is guaranteed to nourish and might even get you falling a little more in love with that clever and beautiful body of yours.

Have a listen below or download it over on iTunes (and don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5 star review when you’re over there ;) )

x Selina & Vicki

 

To find out more about Pandora & the coaching, workshops and online courses she has to offer (and for a website PACKED with amazing recipes) visit http://www.rootedlondon.com/

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PODCAST | How burn out and anxiety lead Kim Murray to find her purpose in life…benefitting us all!

 

Hi there, it’s Selina here, with a fresh new podcast to kick off your week! 

I invited Kim Murray, founder of Happy Heads, into the Project Love studio so that she could share her beautiful story of transformation, that began with burn out and panic attacks brought on by a highly stressful period at work and had her going on a journey that not only brought her health back and left her feeling happier than ever before, but it also lead to her changing career and starting Happy Heads where she now teaches adults and children simple mindful tools to help them live happier, calmer and stress-free lives.

And people have been raving about her work - from helping children who have suffered bereavement, to stressed-out adults, to her new urban retreats in London.

So as well as hearing her story, we spent time talking about why, in a digital age, we all have to learn to be proactive about keeping our minds healthy and how we can do that. Kim shares some wonderfully simple but effective tips and tools on how to practice mindfulness and weave little moments of meditation into your day to day, particularly if (like me) you know you should meditate, but you just don’t seem to get round to doing it. 

Her tools and guidance on mental fitness in a digital age honestly have been a real game changer for me.

So I cannot wait for you to listen to Kim’s inspiring story and to hear her tips on how to keep mentally fit, happy and healthy, in a digital age.

Click the orange play button at the top of the page or head over to itunes and listen to it there.

I hope this gives a lovely uplifting start to your week!

And Kim's next one day Happy Heads urban retreat is on Saturday 14th October, spaces are limited so email kim@happyheads.me if you're interested and she’ll give you information on how to book.

Lots of love,

x Selina

P.S. If you enjoyed this podcast or any of our podcasts then come and subscribe over on itunes so that we can deliver each new podcast direct to your device and it would make our day if you would leave a review ('I love these podcasts' will do!) and rating - each one makes a big difference.

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*FREE* ONLINE Project Love Salon | Self-love for busy women | 22 May

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Join us!

This Monday, 22nd May at 1pm (UK time)

for a very special ONLINE Project Love Salon
that we are putting on for FREE!

"Self-love for busy women"

We'll be digging deep into the topic of practicing self love even when you have a jam-packed schedule.

You'll learn how to design your own self-love toolkit based around your lifestyle and we'll be sharing with you what our own personal self-love practices are and how we work them into our own busy lives.

And as a special summer treat we're inviting you to join us for this online Project Love Salon for free.

All you need to do is sign up here for your free ticket and we'll let you know how to join us for the live online Salon on Monday 22nd at 1pm (UK time) 

And when you sign up we'll send you the recording afterwards so you can watch it any time.

We're so looking forward to another great online Salon with you!

x Selina and Vicki

P.S. This is free to everyone - the more the merrier! So please do share this with your friends and on social

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How to create your own daily self-love rituals...no matter how busy you are

I’m writing this to you at 6.18am under a cosy blanket with a hot cup of tea. I love being the first one up, the flat totally silent.
It is pure, guilt-free, nowhere-else-I-need-to-be me time. There's no other time of day where I feel this sense of calm, peace and stillness. I've been practicing this morning ritual for the last few months. It’s my new personal ‘project love’.

And it’s much needed...towards the end of last year I was feeling burnt out and exhausted, struggling to find time for me, my calendar bulging with work commitments. Basically too much pink (in my colour coded google calendar, pink is work) and not enough green (wellbeing and me time) and so I decided that this year was about being more green and scheduling myself into my calendar. I realised that the mornings were the one time of day that I could claim as my own. And so now mornings have become sacred to me, giving me space to reflect, be still, take stock and check-in with myself. They set the tone for the day and I have become so fond of this time with me, like catching up with an old friend.

I start with a journalling exercise ‘morning pages’, a tool from the book ‘The Artist's Way’. The idea is that you write a stream of consciousness when you wake up (3 pages specifically), to ‘get to the other side’ (as Julia Cameron would say, author of the book). I’ve been writing about anything and everything that’s been percolating when I wake up. Sometimes it’s profound, other times it’s more like a pity party for one (which Julia encourages as any whinging and complaining needs to be processed so you can move on and get on with your day!).

I've been approaching the project like a builder, adding more layers as the ones before get stronger. A morning gratitude practice has been added in, writing down things I’m thankful for, including ways I am grateful and proud of myself. Some days are more challenging than others and some mornings I feel like I have nothing to say but persistence is key. Recently I’ve also been using guided meditations on Headspace and I've been dabbling with morning exercise but still resisting that one to be honest (working on it!). On the days that I have a little more time I've been indulging in a morning bubble bath and audiobook (currently listening to Caroline Myss’s Energy Anatomy and it is blowing my mind). It feels sort of rebellious, like I’ve been let in on a well kept secret.

Through this process, I've discovered that what I need the most is just to be heard. I am the speaker and the listener. And I’m feeling the effects of it already. I am complaining less out loud, I feel calmer, clearer, more connected to myself and connected to what's important to me. I feel more control of my day and better able to deal with challenges when they arise. And I feel more engaged with life.

What it all comes down to is treating myself like a good friend, with love, kindness, respect and devotion. Spending quality time with me. This sacred time has become like oxygen to me. I need it. I crave it. The main thing I've learnt is how to trust myself. I have a sort of quiet confidence that no matter what happens during the day, I can handle it. Feeling like “I've got this”.

That is the power of having a daily self-love practice.

And it doesn’t matter how busy you are, even with just 2 minutes a day, you can create a self-love ritual for yourself. And you really will feel the difference.

So if you want to learn how to design your own self-love practice, no matter how busy you are, then come and join us at our next Online Project Love Salon event  ‘Self-love for busy women’ on 22nd May at 1pm UK time.

We'll be digging deep into the topic of practicing self love even when you have a jam packed schedule. You'll learn how to design your own self-love toolkit based around your lifestyle and we'll be sharing with you what our own personal self-love practices are and how we work them into our own busy lives.

And as a special summer treat, it’s totally free!

>>> To register for a free ticket to the event and receive the recording from us afterwards SIGN UP OVER HERE



Plus we’ll be announcing an exciting new Project Love membership programme that we've been experimenting with for the last 3 months (with great results for us and the women that have been doing it with us!) and now we're ready to open the doors to you too!

V x
 

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PODCAST: Interview with Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution'

We have a treat of a podcast for you, as we got to interview Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution: A Quieter Mind, a Calmer You'. Chloe, a clinical hypnotherapist and anxiety expert, wrote 'The Anxiety Solution' to help women manage modern anxiety triggers like perfectionism, social media pressure, people pleasing, fear of failure and fear of success.

Listen in to hear us discuss why anxiety is affecting more women than men (research shows that women are twice as likely to experience anxiety than men), how anxiety can show up in our love lives and why it’s so exhausting to be everyone’s cup of tea. Plus a whole lot more. We absolutely loved talking to Chloe! 

Listen to the podcast below or download it over on iTunes or Soundcloud

Lots of love,

Selina & Vicki XX

 
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Imposter Syndrome...do you suffer from it?

We have a juicy podcast for you this week on 'Imposter Syndrome' - something that a LOT of people seem to suffer from these days.

It's that feeling that any minute now you're going to be found out for being a fraud. That you're not everything people seem to think you are. That you don't deserve the position you have. That it's all been a big mistake and soon people are going to figure it out.

So why are so many people, including a lot of big name celebrities, suffering from this? And if it's something you suffer from, what can you do about it?

Tune in to deep dive into the topic with us.

 

You can also subscribe to all of our podcasts and download them over on iTunes and Soundcloud
 

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Write yourself a love letter this Valentine's day

This year, in true Project Love style, we are hijacking Valentine's Day and making it all about self-love. Instead of making this day of love all about romantic love and focusing your attention on others that you love or lust after, we want you to turn all that love right around and in on yourself, starting with the way that you speak to yourself. 

Why? Because learning to speak to yourself like you would your best friend - with love and support - is one of the most powerful things you can do. It is a life changer and key to your happiness and success.

Just imagine what it would be like to spend a day with a voice in your head that was loving and supportive, that was always there for you, that had your back and would remind you that you were loved.

Wouldn’t that feel great?

Imagine all the things you would have the confidence to do. You would make yourself a top priority in life and fill that life with the things that made you happy. You would look after yourself well, follow your dreams and design a life for yourself that you truly loved. A life that would feel as good as it looked.

Now think about the voice that you tend to use on yourself day to day. Often we are our own harshest critics, with a voice in our head that is constantly pointing out what we have done wrong or how we should have done better.

A day of listening to that is exhausting, feels rubbish and has you playing small.

So this Valentine’s Day we are encouraging everyone to turn up the volume on their loving inner voice to hear what it has to say.

How? By writing a letter to you, from your wise older self.

It is a simple exercise that can be surprisingly powerful.

The idea is that you imagine your wise older 80 year old self is sending a message back to the woman you are today. She has the gift of hindsight and knows that everything works out well for you in the end and right now she wants to give you some encouragement, love and support at this point in your life.

You might at first think that you won’t be able to come up with anything, but people are usually surprised at how much this side of them believes in them and loves them.

We invite you to give it a go and share with us how you get on!

Here is what you do:

1. Treat yourself to some special letter writing paper (some lovely sets over at Paperchase)

2. Download 'The Project Love Guide to Writing Yourself a Letter from your Wise, Older Self'

3. Share your favourite line from the letter you wrote to yourself over on Twitter using #selfloveletter and @ProjectLove or why not take a photo of your letter and share it with us on Instagram using #selfloveletter and @loveprojectlove

We will be sharing your love letters during Valentine’s Week <3

Selina & Vicki x

PS for those in London, we will be at Paperchase (Tottenham Court Rd store) on Weds 8th Feb for an evening of self love and letter writing - tickets here - come and write your love letter with us!

 

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A lesson in goddess archetypes and what they can teach us about ourselves

 

Ooh we’ve got a great podcast for you this week!

We invited the gorgeous Helen Johnson, founder of Goddess Acumen, to talk to us about the fascinating topic of Goddess Archetypes and what they can teach us about the way we live and love.

Every time I hear Helen talk on this topic I walk away with profound new insights into myself and the world around us. And this podcast was no exception.

We explored how the goddess Aphrodite (goddess of love and sexuality) and goddess Demeter (goddess of motherhood) are in crisis in our society and the HUGE impact that has on us as women and how the Archetypes can be used as a practical tool and guide to help us bring those aspects of ourselves back into full power.

The way Helen illuminates the world we live in through the goddess archetypes is fascinating. I dare you to have a listen and NOT take something valuable for yourself from it!

Have a listen and let us know what you think.

AND if you are in or near London on 21st November then come and join us for our next Project Love Salon with Helen ‘The Goddess Within: how to use goddess archetypes as a practical tool in life and love'.

Grab your early bird tickets here and we’ll see you there!

x Selina and Vicki

 

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Getting the guidance you need from your wise, older self

 
 

Three years ago I wrote this letter I'm holding above, to myself.

I imagined it was a letter being written to me from my wise, older self. Over the years I've done this from time to time when I am starting new chapters in my life, when I am at a cross-roads and need some guidance or when I am struggling and need the reassurance that everything will be alright in the end.

And so I image myself many years from now - at peace, full of love and wisdom and with the wonderful benefit of hindsight - and I imagine what guidance and messages of love and support that older, wiser version of me would offer to the person I am today.

A few weeks ago I found this letter that I had written and posted to myself on the 28th October - two days after my birthday - 3 years ago.

I was fully dedicated at that time to learning to love myself and on the path that would later inspire our 'Get Ready for Love' course, but I still had my moments of despair and frustration - after so many years of disappointments and never finding anyone that was right for me, was it ever going to happen?

I needed some wise guidance and reassurance and so I picked up a pen, channeled that wise, older self and let her send me her words of guidance and wisdom.

Reading back on that letter 3 years later, with my partner and little boy lying on the bed next to me, I'm struck at how true those wise words were.

And so here is the letter I wrote to myself. If you are single and wondering why it hasn't happened to you yet, let these words calm and reassure you in the way they once did me…

Dearest Selina,

The moment you realise that your life and your happiness do not depend on finding a partner and having a family, you will be set free.

So that when you do meet a man you'd love to spend the rest of your life with, you won't demand your happiness and blame your sadness and loneliness on the relationship. You won't expect your children to fulfill your life in a way you never could. Instead you will love him, your relationship and your children for who they are. You will allow for them to grow and evolve and change and not fear that in doing so you will be left alone and unhappy.

These years of longing for a partner have been hard, I know. I do understand. You thrive in partnership and to not have it in your life has not been easy, but you will one day be so incredibly thankful that you had the strength to not settle.

So that you could learn lessons that have made you into the person you are. Deep down you chose it, so that you had the space to know yourself first before becoming a partner and creating a family.

But don't fear, it WILL happen and will be richer for the time you spent with yourself being your own partner in life.

Focus on love in abundance in all areas of life and enjoy seeing what grows.

x Selina

At the time this letter gave me such a sense of calm, reminding me that I was in fact exactly where I needed to be. That this was all part of the plan. That this time alone was in fact something I would one day be eternally grateful for.

How wise that older self was. Today I really do look back on that time with deep gratitude, because I see now that it was in those single years that I became the person I am today. In being single for all those years I discovered a strength in me that I didn’t know I had, I got to experience a wonderful freedom that no woman in my family had ever experienced before and my wings got to spread out wide as I flew all over the world. I got to discover the sweetness of solitude and even the transformative power of heartbreak. Each time I thought my heart was breaking, it was in fact a piece of my ego falling away and a piece of my heart being returned to me until finally I stood strong and whole as the queen of my own kingdom.

THAT is what I was doing in the time I was single. And my wiser self knew that, even then.

I appreciated too how she  understood my longing for partnership and love with another and understood that it wasn’t easy to have such a strong longing and not know when or if it would ever happen. Because longing is a hard one. It’s so heavy and can cling to your heart even in the happiest of times.

But do you know what, I believe it is because of all those years of longing that I am so grateful on a daily basis for the relationship I enjoy today.

But what I love most of all about this letter is that it reminds me that when we choose to, we really can tap into a part of ourselves that is connected deeply with life and that always has love, wisdom and guidance to offer. We just have to learn how to make space for her to be heard.

So why not give it a go yourself this week? Imagine a wise, old version of you is reaching back to the person you are today, she looks upon you with so much love and has so much wisdom and guidance to offer you. Let her write a letter to you and just see what she has to say.

X Selina

 

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Are you holding yourself back in life by comparing yourself to others too much?

 
 


Last week I got to interview and wax lyrical with the wonderful Lucy Sheridan - the world’s first and only Comparison Coach and co-author of ‘HigerSelfie’  which was published by Hay House (wow) earlier this year.

I loved talking to Lucy - this whole topic of ‘comparison’ that she has focused in on with her coaching is fascinating.

It is a conversation I believe we all need to be having.

And I'll admit, I didn't at first think that. When I first saw that Lucy was a ‘comparison’ coach I thought ‘huh, I guess some people are really hung up on comparing themselves andreally need help with that. NOT me…’

And then what followed was a month of having all the ways I compare myself to others slam right up against me and it triggered one of the biggest spiritual growth spurts I’ve had in a long time.

What I realised was that ‘comparison’ is not a niche issue that just a few people suffer from. It is something we are all at, whether we realise it or not.

And it has a big impact on how we live our lives, how we feel about ourselves and the expectations we put on our relationships.

And now with social media we have even more ways to constantly be measuring ourselves up against one another, fueling the fear that we are ‘not good enough’ and disconnecting ourselves from the love we could be experiencing amongst the people that surround us.

As Lucy said “comparison closes us off” and when you start to dig into how it is at play in your own life, you really start to see how much that is true.

So come and listen in and see how our conversation about 'comparison' opens things up for you too PLUS you'll hear us talk about creating our lives from scratch after hitting rock bottom and how Lucy and Jo landed a book deal with Hay House and wrote Higher Selfie in just 3 months!

So grab a cuppa and join in the conversation over here.

And to find out more about Lucy and the wonderful coaching she offers head over to proofcoaching.com

x Selina

P.S. Vicki is back next week and we will be announcing the launch of our London series of events 'School of Love'! Watch this space :)

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What if you found out that the whole purpose of life was just to ENJOY it?

On Monday we did a talk at the Electric - Soho House - in London all about 'How to stay happy and grounded in a fast-paced life'. It's a HUGE topic that we dedicated a whole podcast to recently - listen to it here.

And ever since we did the talk I've been thinking back to a blog post that I wrote six years ago that served as a powerful wake up call at a time when I was running a million miles an hour, taking on waaaay too much and living off a constantly caffeinated and adrenalised high, while underneath it all I was exhausted and unhappy.

The blog post was my way of grabbing myself by the shoulders, gently shaking me with love and saying 'Why are you doing this to yourself?!'.

Why was I pushing myself so hard? Noone was asking me to do that, so why did I feel that I should? Who was I doing it all for? Was I expecting to get some kind of prize at the end of it all?

Finally as I lay one night collapsed on my sofa, in full blown burn out, I scribbled out this blog post and drew this little postcard.

It marked a turning point for me and I've never forgotten the message I gave myself that day.

So if you have a tendency to push yourself too hard, take on too much, put other people's needs ahead of your own and forget to prioritise the things in life that make you truly happy, then have a read of this.

This message is for you too.

"Imagine if, when you die, it turns out that there IS a heaven and a pair of pearly gates. And when you get there, standing there is god himself looking down at you. You're in the spot light.

You're waiting for the big judgement, the ultimate test, hoping desperately that you did OK, that you did enough, that you were good enough, helped enough people, weren't too selfish, weren't too mean.

You stand there fingers crossed as he flicks through the portfolio of your life and then he smiles and asks calmly,

'So did you enjoy it?'

'Because that's all we wanted. For you to enjoy your time on earth, enjoy the experience of being alive, discover what made you come alive, what made you happy and spend your life doing that...that was what it was all about'.

Imagine that.

Imagine after all that striving and hard work, it turns out that the best thing you could possibly have done for yourself, the people around you and the earth as a whole, was to discover what makes you come alive, follow your heart and spend your time on earth doing that. Imagine that.

I like this game. Try it. Day dream the scene for a moment (no requirement to believe in god for this to work), the moment where you are told that the whole point of this game called life was to create and live a life you love because THAT above all is what the world needs.

What would your reaction be? Play it out.

Here's how my scene pans out.

I'd stand for a moment agog. And then I wouldn't be able to hold back.


"Seriously?! Was that all I had to do?! Why didn't anyone tell me!? Why did I listen to all those people saying that I should be doing this and that?! Why didn't you send some kind of message?!"

I think god would probably look back agog at me.

"What do you mean I didn't tell you?!" I imagine god saying back somewhat indignantly, if gods are allowed to be indignant.

"You had that fridge magnet up for twenty years saying 'don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and then go and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive', you built a whole career around that message. So you did know"

If heaven had rocks, I'd be kicking them by now.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if that was really allowed - enjoying life so much, having such a good time. Why didn't you just tell everyone it was allowed and that we ALL had a choice and it wasn't just that I was 'lucky' but it was simply that I chose to make it happen. You could have helped me out"

I imagine myself bursting into hot tears of frustration. Thinking back to all those hours, days, years spent doing what I thought I 'should' rather than what made me happy, what made me feel alive. All those years standing in my own way, all that time feeling guilty for having a life I loved, trying to make up for it, apologising for it, feeling guilty for it.

I'd want to go back in time and show myself this scene, send it to myself like a picture on a postcard.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (this is the postcard I created after I'd written the blog post)

                   (this is the postcard I created after I'd written the blog post)

I'd tell myself to stop feeling guilty about having a life I love, but instead to celebrate it and enjoy it. To get comfortable with it, embrace it, relax into it. That this is allowed. That everyone has the choice to create a life out of the stuff they love and that just because not everyone chooses to do that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about doing it yourself. Don't create a life you love and then not allow yourself to enjoy it. THAT is bonkers. I'd say do even more of it. Have even more adventures. Dance, laugh, paint, love out loud. And celebrate the whole lot of it. The glorious experience of being alive and being you.

I'd tell myself to join hands with all the others out there creating lives out of the stuff they love and celebrating it. I'd tell myself to full on party with them, keep that party expanding and the door open to anyone that wants to join, but not to worry if people don't choose to. Let them be.

So my question to you today is...what would you do?

What if we were to find out that that IS what we're here to do - to enjoy life, really experience it, follow our hearts, do what makes us come alive? What if you were told that your job on this earth was to make YOU happy, discovering and doing the things you love?

What would you do differently?

Click reply to let me know."

And so, six years later, let's get this conversation going again. Let us know, by leaving a comment below, what you would do differently if your whole purpose on earth was simply to ENJOY yourself and all that life has to offer. And let this be the start, like it was for me six years ago, that you begin to make YOU a top priority in your life.

x Selina

P.S. If you know someone who also has a tendency to put other people's needs before their own and run themselves into the ground with it, then forward this onto them too ;)

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The real significance of a hen party

In the same month that we celebrated 20 years of girl power from The Spice Girls, I was whisked away on my hen weekend with 13 friends. I'd never really thought about the significance of a hen party before, I guess it felt like a massive celebration with the wonderful women in your life.. (and an excuse to have a party). I was more than up for that when we set off on the party bus from Waterloo, high pitch screaming our way down the M4 with M&S cosmo cans in hand.   

Well, turns out it was that and so much more.

It was everything you’d expect from a hen - we shared embarrassing sex stories, we downed tequila shots, we cackled with laughter, we hugged, we cried, we danced. And yes there were willy straws and blow up men. But what made it different was an additional layer that my hens planned (knowing me so well and knowing how much I love a chat.. I’m often the one at a party having deep and meaningfuls in the loo) - the D&M (deep and meaningful) session. It started as a bit of fun, sitting in a circle wearing catsuits and kaftans, passing a jar of questions around and answering them one by one (holding a dildo, which you could pass on if you didn’t want to answer). We were all giggling at first, some of us feeling a bit awkward with sitting in a circle together. And it was a little scary at first, feeling that exposed and vulnerable, but I can honestly say that it was one of the most powerful and liberating things I have ever done. And I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it was a rare opportunity to share deeply and really be heard, while being surrounded by a bunch of strong and empowered women who all have your back. Without meaning to, we had turned it into a real sisterhood bonding session, and it turns out that that was exactly what we’d all been craving, we just hadn’t realised it. I discovered things about my friends that I didn’t know before and I felt such a deep connection with them in that moment. It was so inspiring to listen to the other women share their life stories, talk about challenges they’re working through and share their dreams and ambitions in life.

There was a particular question that I was so scared to answer - ‘your life story in 3 minutes’. I have this real fear of being put on the spot so when it happens, my mind tends to go blank like I have no long term memory?!? I know it was the fear that had blocked me but it meant that I couldn't reveal myself in the way that I wanted to. Since then, memories had been popping up from my life, things that I thought were buried away. So last week I had a go at writing my story and it was so cathartic, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do anything with it but in the spirit of heart opening sharing, I emailed it to the group (cue vulnerability hangover). And yes it was bloody scary putting my story into words but I felt so supported to do it and it has opened something up for me - a part of myself that was in the shadows now has permission to come out into the light. This just wouldn't have happened without that session, and I realised just how much I need a regular space for this in my life . Something really shifted for me and this is just the beginning of more heart opening sharing and a deeper connection with myself. And I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this. That is the power of sisterhood.

I came home from that weekend feeling an overwhelming sense of love, admiration and gratitude to have such inspiring, strong, empowered women in my life, who inspire me to be the same. I was shown the importance of sisterhood and girl power, the stuff that I learnt from the Spice Girls all those years ago at the age of 11.

And I realised the real significance of a hen party.

It is to show you how supported and loved you are, both as an individual and as a couple, to prepare you for the next chapter in your life. Because having such loving friendships gives you a strong foundation for a happy and healthy relationship and marriage. And it means you don’t depend on the relationship to fulfill all your needs. These friendships make me stronger and elevate me up to be the best I can be.

Now I feel ready to enter that next chapter of my life.

The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the-best-version-of-ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves
— Matthew Kelly The Rhythm of Life

And of course you don’t need a hen party for some good old sisterhood bonding, grab the women in your life that you love and organise a sisterhood circle <check out Selina’s brilliant post> and love and support each other to grow and live a life you love. In sisterhood we stand.

Vicki x

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An open letter of gratitude to brave women who show up every day

Last week was a big one over at Project Love, as 3 of our coaching clients completed their 3 month ‘Get Ready for Love’ journey and we celebrated 1 year of love stories from our ‘Get Ready for Love’ online course.

We’ve been so moved by some of the stories that we've heard since we started Get Ready for Love and we feel a huge sense of gratitude for the brave women that we have worked with over the years and for the brave women that we haven’t yet worked with.

This week’s post is dedicated to them, and to you, an open letter of gratitude to brave women, showing up every day, even when it's hard.

Thank you for having the strength to rise up through challenges and difficulties in life and committing to what’s important, even when it feels really uncomfortable.

Thank you for your openness and willingness to be intimate with your own deep feelings, to create the space for intimacy with another.

Thank you for holding a space for other women to be brave and share their stories of struggle and transformation.

Thank you for having the courage to walk away from people that aren’t able to commit in the same way that you are, so that you can move on to find someone who can.

Thank you for not giving up and working through your deepest, darkest fears and letting the light in.

Thank you for dropping your expectations of who you think you should be so you can be who you are.

Thank you for respecting your needs and being brave enough to express them and loving and honouring yourself in a way that invites others to do the same.

Thank you for opening up to love, opening your heart and embracing your vulnerability, even when it feels like the scariest thing in the world.

Thank you for feeling everything, even the shit stuff, and even when that voice is saying ‘fuck this.. It’s too hard’.. knowing that feeling is healing.

Thank you for dropping your assumptions as to who you could be attracted to and being open-minded and open-hearted when dating.

Thank you for choosing the path of self love when you’re broken, even when the path of self destruction feels like the safest option.

Thank you for dating yourself, getting to know yourself and treating yourself like a true friend.

Thank you for having patience, taking the time to figure out what you want and the things that inspire you and make your cells dance.

Thank you for your tears, your laughter, your strength, your smile.

Thank you for accepting yourself, as you are, right here and right now.

We're all on this journey together, we’re all going through the same ups and downs and your bravery inspires us and it inspires a whole tribe of other women to keep showing up.

In awe of you,

Vicki and Selina x

P.S. If you’d like to join us and start your own Get Ready for Love journey today then simply head over here and we’ll send you your welcome pack straight away.

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