PODCAST: Interview with Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution'

We have a treat of a podcast for you, as we got to interview Chloe Brotheridge, author of 'The Anxiety Solution: A Quieter Mind, a Calmer You'. Chloe, a clinical hypnotherapist and anxiety expert, wrote 'The Anxiety Solution' to help women manage modern anxiety triggers like perfectionism, social media pressure, people pleasing, fear of failure and fear of success.

Listen in to hear us discuss why anxiety is affecting more women than men (research shows that women are twice as likely to experience anxiety than men), how anxiety can show up in our love lives and why it’s so exhausting to be everyone’s cup of tea. Plus a whole lot more. We absolutely loved talking to Chloe! 

Listen to the podcast below or download it over on iTunes or Soundcloud

Lots of love,

Selina & Vicki XX

Imposter Syndrome...do you suffer from it?

We have a juicy podcast for you this week on 'Imposter Syndrome' - something that a LOT of people seem to suffer from these days.

It's that feeling that any minute now you're going to be found out for being a fraud. That you're not everything people seem to think you are. That you don't deserve the position you have. That it's all been a big mistake and soon people are going to figure it out.

So why are so many people, including a lot of big name celebrities, suffering from this? And if it's something you suffer from, what can you do about it?

Tune in to deep dive into the topic with us.

You can also subscribe to all of our podcasts and download them over on iTunes and Soundcloud
 

Write yourself a love letter this Valentine's day

This year, in true Project Love style, we are hijacking Valentine's Day and making it all about self-love. Instead of making this day of love all about romantic love and focusing your attention on others that you love or lust after, we want you to turn all that love right around and in on yourself, starting with the way that you speak to yourself. 

Why? Because learning to speak to yourself like you would your best friend - with love and support - is one of the most powerful things you can do. It is a life changer and key to your happiness and success.

Just imagine what it would be like to spend a day with a voice in your head that was loving and supportive, that was always there for you, that had your back and would remind you that you were loved.

Wouldn’t that feel great?

Imagine all the things you would have the confidence to do. You would make yourself a top priority in life and fill that life with the things that made you happy. You would look after yourself well, follow your dreams and design a life for yourself that you truly loved. A life that would feel as good as it looked.

Now think about the voice that you tend to use on yourself day to day. Often we are our own harshest critics, with a voice in our head that is constantly pointing out what we have done wrong or how we should have done better.

A day of listening to that is exhausting, feels rubbish and has you playing small.

So this Valentine’s Day we are encouraging everyone to turn up the volume on their loving inner voice to hear what it has to say.

How? By writing a letter to you, from your wise older self.

It is a simple exercise that can be surprisingly powerful.

The idea is that you imagine your wise older 80 year old self is sending a message back to the woman you are today. She has the gift of hindsight and knows that everything works out well for you in the end and right now she wants to give you some encouragement, love and support at this point in your life.

You might at first think that you won’t be able to come up with anything, but people are usually surprised at how much this side of them believes in them and loves them.

We invite you to give it a go and share with us how you get on!

Here is what you do:

1. Treat yourself to some special letter writing paper (some lovely sets over at Paperchase)

2. Download 'The Project Love Guide to Writing Yourself a Letter from your Wise, Older Self'

3. Share your favourite line from the letter you wrote to yourself over on Twitter using #selfloveletter and @ProjectLove or why not take a photo of your letter and share it with us on Instagram using #selfloveletter and @loveprojectlove

We will be sharing your love letters during Valentine’s Week <3

Selina & Vicki x

PS for those in London, we will be at Paperchase (Tottenham Court Rd store) on Weds 8th Feb for an evening of self love and letter writing - tickets here - come and write your love letter with us!

A lesson in goddess archetypes and what they can teach us about ourselves

Ooh we’ve got a great podcast for you this week!

We invited the gorgeous Helen Johnson, founder of Goddess Acumen, to talk to us about the fascinating topic of Goddess Archetypes and what they can teach us about the way we live and love.

Every time I hear Helen talk on this topic I walk away with profound new insights into myself and the world around us. And this podcast was no exception.

We explored how the goddess Aphrodite (goddess of love and sexuality) and goddess Demeter (goddess of motherhood) are in crisis in our society and the HUGE impact that has on us as women and how the Archetypes can be used as a practical tool and guide to help us bring those aspects of ourselves back into full power.

The way Helen illuminates the world we live in through the goddess archetypes is fascinating. I dare you to have a listen and NOT take something valuable for yourself from it!

Have a listen and let us know what you think.

AND if you are in or near London on 21st November then come and join us for our next Project Love Salon with Helen ‘The Goddess Within: how to use goddess archetypes as a practical tool in life and love'.

Grab your early bird tickets here and we’ll see you there!

x Selina and Vicki

Getting the guidance you need from your wise, older self

Three years ago I wrote this letter I'm holding above, to myself.

I imagined it was a letter being written to me from my wise, older self. Over the years I've done this from time to time when I am starting new chapters in my life, when I am at a cross-roads and need some guidance or when I am struggling and need the reassurance that everything will be alright in the end.

And so I image myself many years from now - at peace, full of love and wisdom and with the wonderful benefit of hindsight - and I imagine what guidance and messages of love and support that older, wiser version of me would offer to the person I am today.

A few weeks ago I found this letter that I had written and posted to myself on the 28th October - two days after my birthday - 3 years ago.

I was fully dedicated at that time to learning to love myself and on the path that would later inspire our 'Get Ready for Love' course, but I still had my moments of despair and frustration - after so many years of disappointments and never finding anyone that was right for me, was it ever going to happen?

I needed some wise guidance and reassurance and so I picked up a pen, channeled that wise, older self and let her send me her words of guidance and wisdom.

Reading back on that letter 3 years later, with my partner and little boy lying on the bed next to me, I'm struck at how true those wise words were.

And so here is the letter I wrote to myself. If you are single and wondering why it hasn't happened to you yet, let these words calm and reassure you in the way they once did me…

Dearest Selina,

The moment you realise that your life and your happiness do not depend on finding a partner and having a family, you will be set free.

So that when you do meet a man you'd love to spend the rest of your life with, you won't demand your happiness and blame your sadness and loneliness on the relationship. You won't expect your children to fulfill your life in a way you never could. Instead you will love him, your relationship and your children for who they are. You will allow for them to grow and evolve and change and not fear that in doing so you will be left alone and unhappy.

These years of longing for a partner have been hard, I know. I do understand. You thrive in partnership and to not have it in your life has not been easy, but you will one day be so incredibly thankful that you had the strength to not settle.

So that you could learn lessons that have made you into the person you are. Deep down you chose it, so that you had the space to know yourself first before becoming a partner and creating a family.

But don't fear, it WILL happen and will be richer for the time you spent with yourself being your own partner in life.

Focus on love in abundance in all areas of life and enjoy seeing what grows.

x Selina

At the time this letter gave me such a sense of calm, reminding me that I was in fact exactly where I needed to be. That this was all part of the plan. That this time alone was in fact something I would one day be eternally grateful for.

How wise that older self was. Today I really do look back on that time with deep gratitude, because I see now that it was in those single years that I became the person I am today. In being single for all those years I discovered a strength in me that I didn’t know I had, I got to experience a wonderful freedom that no woman in my family had ever experienced before and my wings got to spread out wide as I flew all over the world. I got to discover the sweetness of solitude and even the transformative power of heartbreak. Each time I thought my heart was breaking, it was in fact a piece of my ego falling away and a piece of my heart being returned to me until finally I stood strong and whole as the queen of my own kingdom.

THAT is what I was doing in the time I was single. And my wiser self knew that, even then.

I appreciated too how she  understood my longing for partnership and love with another and understood that it wasn’t easy to have such a strong longing and not know when or if it would ever happen. Because longing is a hard one. It’s so heavy and can cling to your heart even in the happiest of times.

But do you know what, I believe it is because of all those years of longing that I am so grateful on a daily basis for the relationship I enjoy today.

But what I love most of all about this letter is that it reminds me that when we choose to, we really can tap into a part of ourselves that is connected deeply with life and that always has love, wisdom and guidance to offer. We just have to learn how to make space for her to be heard.

So why not give it a go yourself this week? Imagine a wise, old version of you is reaching back to the person you are today, she looks upon you with so much love and has so much wisdom and guidance to offer you. Let her write a letter to you and just see what she has to say.

X Selina

Are you holding yourself back in life by comparing yourself to others too much?

Last week I got to interview and wax lyrical with the wonderful Lucy Sheridan - the world’s first and only Comparison Coach and co-author of ‘HigerSelfie’  which was published by Hay House (wow) earlier this year.

I loved talking to Lucy - this whole topic of ‘comparison’ that she has focused in on with her coaching is fascinating.

It is a conversation I believe we all need to be having.

And I'll admit, I didn't at first think that. When I first saw that Lucy was a ‘comparison’ coach I thought ‘huh, I guess some people are really hung up on comparing themselves andreally need help with that. NOT me…’

And then what followed was a month of having all the ways I compare myself to others slam right up against me and it triggered one of the biggest spiritual growth spurts I’ve had in a long time.

What I realised was that ‘comparison’ is not a niche issue that just a few people suffer from. It is something we are all at, whether we realise it or not.

And it has a big impact on how we live our lives, how we feel about ourselves and the expectations we put on our relationships.

And now with social media we have even more ways to constantly be measuring ourselves up against one another, fueling the fear that we are ‘not good enough’ and disconnecting ourselves from the love we could be experiencing amongst the people that surround us.

As Lucy said “comparison closes us off” and when you start to dig into how it is at play in your own life, you really start to see how much that is true.

So come and listen in and see how our conversation about 'comparison' opens things up for you too PLUS you'll hear us talk about creating our lives from scratch after hitting rock bottom and how Lucy and Jo landed a book deal with Hay House and wrote Higher Selfie in just 3 months!

So grab a cuppa and join in the conversation over here.

And to find out more about Lucy and the wonderful coaching she offers head over to proofcoaching.com

x Selina

P.S. Vicki is back next week and we will be announcing the launch of our London series of events 'School of Love'! Watch this space :)

What if you found out that the whole purpose of life was just to ENJOY it?

On Monday we did a talk at the Electric - Soho House - in London all about 'How to stay happy and grounded in a fast-paced life'. It's a HUGE topic that we dedicated a whole podcast to recently - listen to it here.

And ever since we did the talk I've been thinking back to a blog post that I wrote six years ago that served as a powerful wake up call at a time when I was running a million miles an hour, taking on waaaay too much and living off a constantly caffeinated and adrenalised high, while underneath it all I was exhausted and unhappy.

The blog post was my way of grabbing myself by the shoulders, gently shaking me with love and saying 'Why are you doing this to yourself?!'.

Why was I pushing myself so hard? Noone was asking me to do that, so why did I feel that I should? Who was I doing it all for? Was I expecting to get some kind of prize at the end of it all?

Finally as I lay one night collapsed on my sofa, in full blown burn out, I scribbled out this blog post and drew this little postcard.

It marked a turning point for me and I've never forgotten the message I gave myself that day.

So if you have a tendency to push yourself too hard, take on too much, put other people's needs ahead of your own and forget to prioritise the things in life that make you truly happy, then have a read of this.

This message is for you too.

"Imagine if, when you die, it turns out that there IS a heaven and a pair of pearly gates. And when you get there, standing there is god himself looking down at you. You're in the spot light.

You're waiting for the big judgement, the ultimate test, hoping desperately that you did OK, that you did enough, that you were good enough, helped enough people, weren't too selfish, weren't too mean.

You stand there fingers crossed as he flicks through the portfolio of your life and then he smiles and asks calmly,

'So did you enjoy it?'

'Because that's all we wanted. For you to enjoy your time on earth, enjoy the experience of being alive, discover what made you come alive, what made you happy and spend your life doing that...that was what it was all about'.

Imagine that.

Imagine after all that striving and hard work, it turns out that the best thing you could possibly have done for yourself, the people around you and the earth as a whole, was to discover what makes you come alive, follow your heart and spend your time on earth doing that. Imagine that.

I like this game. Try it. Day dream the scene for a moment (no requirement to believe in god for this to work), the moment where you are told that the whole point of this game called life was to create and live a life you love because THAT above all is what the world needs.

What would your reaction be? Play it out.

Here's how my scene pans out.

I'd stand for a moment agog. And then I wouldn't be able to hold back.

"Seriously?! Was that all I had to do?! Why didn't anyone tell me!? Why did I listen to all those people saying that I should be doing this and that?! Why didn't you send some kind of message?!"

I think god would probably look back agog at me.

"What do you mean I didn't tell you?!" I imagine god saying back somewhat indignantly, if gods are allowed to be indignant.

"You had that fridge magnet up for twenty years saying 'don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and then go and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive', you built a whole career around that message. So you did know"

If heaven had rocks, I'd be kicking them by now.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if that was really allowed - enjoying life so much, having such a good time. Why didn't you just tell everyone it was allowed and that we ALL had a choice and it wasn't just that I was 'lucky' but it was simply that I chose to make it happen. You could have helped me out"

I imagine myself bursting into hot tears of frustration. Thinking back to all those hours, days, years spent doing what I thought I 'should' rather than what made me happy, what made me feel alive. All those years standing in my own way, all that time feeling guilty for having a life I loved, trying to make up for it, apologising for it, feeling guilty for it.

I'd want to go back in time and show myself this scene, send it to myself like a picture on a postcard.

                   (this is the postcard I created after I'd written the blog post)

I'd tell myself to stop feeling guilty about having a life I love, but instead to celebrate it and enjoy it. To get comfortable with it, embrace it, relax into it. That this is allowed. That everyone has the choice to create a life out of the stuff they love and that just because not everyone chooses to do that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about doing it yourself. Don't create a life you love and then not allow yourself to enjoy it. THAT is bonkers. I'd say do even more of it. Have even more adventures. Dance, laugh, paint, love out loud. And celebrate the whole lot of it. The glorious experience of being alive and being you.

I'd tell myself to join hands with all the others out there creating lives out of the stuff they love and celebrating it. I'd tell myself to full on party with them, keep that party expanding and the door open to anyone that wants to join, but not to worry if people don't choose to. Let them be.

So my question to you today is...what would you do?

What if we were to find out that that IS what we're here to do - to enjoy life, really experience it, follow our hearts, do what makes us come alive? What if you were told that your job on this earth was to make YOU happy, discovering and doing the things you love?

What would you do differently?

Click reply to let me know."

And so, six years later, let's get this conversation going again. Let us know, by leaving a comment below, what you would do differently if your whole purpose on earth was simply to ENJOY yourself and all that life has to offer. And let this be the start, like it was for me six years ago, that you begin to make YOU a top priority in your life.

x Selina

P.S. If you know someone who also has a tendency to put other people's needs before their own and run themselves into the ground with it, then forward this onto them too ;)

The real significance of a hen party

In the same month that we celebrated 20 years of girl power from The Spice Girls, I was whisked away on my hen weekend with 13 friends. I'd never really thought about the significance of a hen party before, I guess it felt like a massive celebration with the wonderful women in your life.. (and an excuse to have a party). I was more than up for that when we set off on the party bus from Waterloo, high pitch screaming our way down the M4 with M&S cosmo cans in hand.   

Well, turns out it was that and so much more.

It was everything you’d expect from a hen - we shared embarrassing sex stories, we downed tequila shots, we cackled with laughter, we hugged, we cried, we danced. And yes there were willy straws and blow up men. But what made it different was an additional layer that my hens planned (knowing me so well and knowing how much I love a chat.. I’m often the one at a party having deep and meaningfuls in the loo) - the D&M (deep and meaningful) session. It started as a bit of fun, sitting in a circle wearing catsuits and kaftans, passing a jar of questions around and answering them one by one (holding a dildo, which you could pass on if you didn’t want to answer). We were all giggling at first, some of us feeling a bit awkward with sitting in a circle together. And it was a little scary at first, feeling that exposed and vulnerable, but I can honestly say that it was one of the most powerful and liberating things I have ever done. And I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it was a rare opportunity to share deeply and really be heard, while being surrounded by a bunch of strong and empowered women who all have your back. Without meaning to, we had turned it into a real sisterhood bonding session, and it turns out that that was exactly what we’d all been craving, we just hadn’t realised it. I discovered things about my friends that I didn’t know before and I felt such a deep connection with them in that moment. It was so inspiring to listen to the other women share their life stories, talk about challenges they’re working through and share their dreams and ambitions in life.

There was a particular question that I was so scared to answer - ‘your life story in 3 minutes’. I have this real fear of being put on the spot so when it happens, my mind tends to go blank like I have no long term memory?!? I know it was the fear that had blocked me but it meant that I couldn't reveal myself in the way that I wanted to. Since then, memories had been popping up from my life, things that I thought were buried away. So last week I had a go at writing my story and it was so cathartic, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do anything with it but in the spirit of heart opening sharing, I emailed it to the group (cue vulnerability hangover). And yes it was bloody scary putting my story into words but I felt so supported to do it and it has opened something up for me - a part of myself that was in the shadows now has permission to come out into the light. This just wouldn't have happened without that session, and I realised just how much I need a regular space for this in my life . Something really shifted for me and this is just the beginning of more heart opening sharing and a deeper connection with myself. And I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this. That is the power of sisterhood.

I came home from that weekend feeling an overwhelming sense of love, admiration and gratitude to have such inspiring, strong, empowered women in my life, who inspire me to be the same. I was shown the importance of sisterhood and girl power, the stuff that I learnt from the Spice Girls all those years ago at the age of 11.

And I realised the real significance of a hen party.

It is to show you how supported and loved you are, both as an individual and as a couple, to prepare you for the next chapter in your life. Because having such loving friendships gives you a strong foundation for a happy and healthy relationship and marriage. And it means you don’t depend on the relationship to fulfill all your needs. These friendships make me stronger and elevate me up to be the best I can be.

Now I feel ready to enter that next chapter of my life.

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the-best-version-of-ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves”

— Matthew Kelly The Rhythm of Life

And of course you don’t need a hen party for some good old sisterhood bonding, grab the women in your life that you love and organise a sisterhood circle <check out Selina’s brilliant post> and love and support each other to grow and live a life you love. In sisterhood we stand.

Vicki x

An open letter of gratitude to brave women who show up every day

Last week was a big one over at Project Love, as 3 of our coaching clients completed their 3 month ‘Get Ready for Love’ journey and we celebrated 1 year of love stories from our ‘Get Ready for Love’ online course.

We’ve been so moved by some of the stories that we've heard since we started Get Ready for Love and we feel a huge sense of gratitude for the brave women that we have worked with over the years and for the brave women that we haven’t yet worked with.

This week’s post is dedicated to them, and to you, an open letter of gratitude to brave women, showing up every day, even when it's hard.

Thank you for having the strength to rise up through challenges and difficulties in life and committing to what’s important, even when it feels really uncomfortable.

Thank you for your openness and willingness to be intimate with your own deep feelings, to create the space for intimacy with another.

Thank you for holding a space for other women to be brave and share their stories of struggle and transformation.

Thank you for having the courage to walk away from people that aren’t able to commit in the same way that you are, so that you can move on to find someone who can.

Thank you for not giving up and working through your deepest, darkest fears and letting the light in.

Thank you for dropping your expectations of who you think you should be so you can be who you are.

Thank you for respecting your needs and being brave enough to express them and loving and honouring yourself in a way that invites others to do the same.

Thank you for opening up to love, opening your heart and embracing your vulnerability, even when it feels like the scariest thing in the world.

Thank you for feeling everything, even the shit stuff, and even when that voice is saying ‘fuck this.. It’s too hard’.. knowing that feeling is healing.

Thank you for dropping your assumptions as to who you could be attracted to and being open-minded and open-hearted when dating.

Thank you for choosing the path of self love when you’re broken, even when the path of self destruction feels like the safest option.

Thank you for dating yourself, getting to know yourself and treating yourself like a true friend.

Thank you for having patience, taking the time to figure out what you want and the things that inspire you and make your cells dance.

Thank you for your tears, your laughter, your strength, your smile.

Thank you for accepting yourself, as you are, right here and right now.

We're all on this journey together, we’re all going through the same ups and downs and your bravery inspires us and it inspires a whole tribe of other women to keep showing up.

In awe of you,

Vicki and Selina x

P.S. If you’d like to join us and start your own Get Ready for Love journey today then simply head over here and we’ll send you your welcome pack straight away.

How To Stay Grounded when Living A Fast Paced Life

"I'm ok, I'm just busy" - how many times have you said that this week? If you're like most of us then it's A LOT. It seems that we're living in a constant state of overwhelm and somehow it's become normal, spinning lots of plates in the air, all at the same time.

How do we manage the many deadlines and demands on our time? And how can we stay grounded and balanced living this fast paced life?

This is the hot topic that we explored in our latest podcast, which was inspired by our friends Persia and Joey from Addictive Daughter who have just released their new book 'The Inner Fix: Be Stronger, Happier and Braver'.

Listen in as we share all the things from our 'Inner Fix' toolkit and how we put our happiness and wellbeing as a top priority in life. 

Love, Vicki and Selina x

PS We'd love to hear from you - what do you do to stay grounded and maintain a healthy headspace? Leave us a comment below :)

Self-love for beginners

All too often we find people scrunching up their nose at the mention of self-love, as if it’s a bit cheesy and self-indulgent. But learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful and important things you can do in life. Your heart is your power and when you become the source of love in your own life it changes everything. Your relationships, your career, your health – they all flourish when you start to love yourself.

But while we all know deep down that it’s important to love yourself, we find the area that people get most stuck on is actually knowing how to do it.

At Project Love, we like to look at self-love as an art that can be practiced and mastered over time. When we practice self-love, we cultivate a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves and something magical happens – we become our own best friend.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”.
So how do we start that romance? How do we learn to love ourselves?

Well here are 7 ways you can start practicing the art of self-love straight away:

1. Nourish yourself

If you’re totally new to the practice of self-love then start with focusing on nourishing yourself. Nourishing your body is the most basic form of loving yourself, so this week become mindful of what you put in your body – give it what it loves. Start your day with a green smoothie, treat yourself to a raw chocolate snack and make time to cook yourself a nutritious dinner full of superfoods. The way we feed ourselves reflects how we love ourselves. So get good at nourishing yourself and you’ll lay strong foundations to self-love.

2. Take yourself out on a date

If you’ve never taken yourself out on a date before then make this the month that you do it. Solo-dating is all about spending quality time with yourself and doing something special, just for you. It is one of the most powerful (and fun) things you can do when it comes to practicing self-love. By doing something special for yourself – something you’d only normally do with someone else – you’re giving yourself the love and attention you’d normally only give out to others. You’re finally turning your love in on yourself. We’ve had clients do anything from treating themselves to coffee and a cake at their favourite cafe to taking themselves away on a spa weekend. Whatever people do, they always come away buzzing from it.

3. Start a gratitude journal

It has been proven that just by writing down 5 things that you’re grateful for each day, you can train your brain to be more positive, treating yourself to an overall feeling of happiness. It is a key tool when it comes to practicing self-love because it has us step into an attitude of gratitude, love and abundance.

So buy yourself a notebook and at the end of each day, for the next week, write down 5 things you’re grateful for and see how good it feels to end your day this way.

And as well as giving thanks for things that have happened to you that day and the people in your life that you’re thankful for, also include yourself in your gratitude practice. Find at least one thing you can thank yourself for each day and you’ll see your relationship with yourself shift into an incredibly loving place.

4. Make your body happy

It is essential when learning to love ourselves that we focus plenty of time and attention on our bodies. How we feel in our bodies directly affects how we feel in ourselves. Often feelings of loneliness and lack of love actually stem from our own disconnect with our bodies. You want to keep that gorgeous body of yours feeling energised and full of vitality. So it’s important that as part of your self-love routine you do things that make you feel great in your body; whether that’s yoga, running, 80’s Aerobics or dancing like Beyonce (a particular favourite of ours)!

5. Express yourself

It’s so important to find ways to really express yourself and feel free to be totally you. Whether it’s dancing, writing, singing, painting, acting, sculpting, cooking, making music, sketching, DJ’ing, pottery or poetry – everyone has something that does it for them. It’s often something we did naturally as children. It’s always something that makes us feel fully alive.

So what is it for you? When do you feel you can really let go and be who you truly are? If it’s not something you do at the moment, then think back to earlier years. What makes you come alive and really connect with the deepest parts of yourself? Now go and make time for it in your life. Whether it’s unleashing your inner Rihanna on the dance floor, singing like no-one’s listening or painting in big bold brush strokes, just for the fun of it, it’s essential that you make time to do the things that allow you to really express yourself from the heart.

6. Write a loving letter to yourself

Pick up a pen and with the same love and fondness you’d write to a dear friend, write a letter to yourself. Write about the things in your life right now that make you happy and the people in your life that bring you joy, inspiration and kindness. Reflect on how you’re feeling, give yourself a pep talk if you feel you need one and document your dreams and wishes for the future. If there’s something in your life that you’re struggling with at the moment, see what advice and encouragement you can give to yourself, celebrate your achievements and sign your letter off with love. Then pop that letter in the post and enjoy receiving it a few days later!

7. Shower yourself in feel-good vibes

We have far more power than we often realise to generate the feelings we want to experience in life, no matter where we are or what’s going on around us. We just have to learn how to tap into those feelings. An easy way to do it is to think back to a time in your life where you felt full of joy, happiness, peace or fulfilment – whatever it is you want to feel – and then find a photo of you from that time that really reminds you of what it was like to feel that way, so much so that you start to feel that way again just by looking at the photo.

Now put that photo somewhere where you’ll see it every day: save it as your phone screensaver or print it out and stick it up on your bathroom mirror. Whenever you need a boost to your day, take a look at that picture and let yourself bathe in those feel-good vibes.

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PODCAST: Why ritual is so important to us and how to bring it back into our lives

I am so excited for you to listen into today’s podcast, because this week I got to interview the wonderful Tiu de Haan - a celebrant, writer and full-time inspiration when it comes to weaving ritual simply, but powerfully, into your life.

We first came across Tiu a few months back when we watched her TED Talk ‘Why ritual is still important’. I was so inspired and moved by what she was saying that I tracked her down and sent her an email saying ‘you’re amazing, can I interview you for Project Love pleeeeease?!’ and a few weeks later we were sitting in her flat in north London getting deep into conversation.

We talked about everything from why ritual is so important to us as humans, to what it was like marrying a woman to herself, how we can create simple rituals for ourselves in our own lives and the difference it can make when we do that…

I loved every minute of it and found that the more you hear Tiu talking about ritual and the power of it, the more you realise how important it is for all of us to get ritual back into our lives.

So download it here and as you walk to work, cook your dinner or get ready for bed, hit play, have a listen in and then come back here and let us know what you thought.

x Selina

P.S. For more Tiu wisdom and love, check out her TED Talk 'Why we still need ritual', her posts on ritual for Huff Post (she is a wonderful writer with a book on its way) and of course her website.

You don’t complete me. I complete me.

We have a guest blogger for you this week in the form of the wonderful and inspiring Laina! This post was first written to us as an email and Laina didn't want it to be public at first but in practicing opening up and being vulnerable, she knew she had a powerful message to share with you. From one single woman to another...

After 12 months of investing time, money and energy into dating, I was still single and feeling rejected, unattractive and pessimistic about love.  I didn’t want to be feeling like this, and I knew it was time to get ready for love.

Having just turned 30, I was listening to all the ‘noise’ around me which was leading to a path of self-destruction. ‘Noise’ is what I refer to as those comments and questions that make you feel like you’re missing out on something ‘Why are you still single? You’re being too picky; if you want kids aren’t you worried about your age, it must be so difficult being single at your age’  It’s not helpful, it’s noise, and I needed to turn down the volume.

With my very settled friends living vicariously through my dating life, I would often make my dating disasters and my ‘single misfortune' the centre of conversations and the butt of all jokes.  At least I could laugh it off, I thought.  Secretly however, I knew I was in a dangerous mindset; I was starting to question myself, question what was wrong with me, and I'd get insanely jealous and resentful of all my friends who were in relationships.  It was like they had a layer of happiness that I just would never experience for as long as I was single.  I had got it into my head that a relationship would complete me.  We’ve all seen the Jerry Maguire film - 'You complete me. You. Complete. Me'.  Well, to the Jerry's out there, Project Love has taught me:  You don’t complete me, I complete me. 

I finished Project Love's 'Get Ready for Love' 30 day course with a fresh perspective of love and more importantly of myself.  The problem, I realised, was that for too many years i’d been listening to the ‘noise’; whether it was hollywood, society, friends or family.  I thought that being in a relationship was the ultimate measure of being a complete adult.  That being single would mean me constantly yearning for a man and always thinking that I was missing out on something.  With this mindset, I wasn’t ready for love, because I would always be choosing love because it’s better off than being alone.  That’s not love, that’s desperation and it’s settling.

Since completing the course, I’ve realised one thing:  I am already complete.  I love my life and I accept my flaws.  When I stopped and actually thought about my life decisions and the abundance of love I have from friends and family, I realised that I survive, enjoy and LOVE my life everyday without someone else needing to validate or complete it for me. 

By no means am I suggesting that the course has made me anti-relationships, I still can’t wait to meet a man who wants to experience life with me, but I know that I want to meet someone who feels the way I do about relationships.  I don’t want to play that role of trying to complete them. 

For those of you who are considering or are already part of 'Get Ready for Love', remember, YOU complete YOU.  Go out, remember to self-nourish, practice gratitude, go on a date with yourself and most importantly, love who you are. 

When you truly learn to love who you are, you will be complete.  

Laina X

30 books that could change the way you love and live

Most people have got at least one book that they can name that has had a profound impact on their life. That has inspired them to follow their dreams, make positive changes, approach their relationships in new positive ways or helped them to heal.

So we decided to ask our friends on FB and in the Love Tribe to tell us which books have really inspired them so that we could put together a list of books that can help to inspire you.

And here they are...
 

30 books that could change the way you live and love

1. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
2. How to be a Free Range Human by Marianne Cantwell
3. Wild by Cheryl Strayed
4. What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey
5. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
6. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
7. Rising Strong by Brene Brown
8. Zen and the Art of Falling in Love by Brenda Shoshanna
9. Five regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware
10. Money, a Love Story by Kate Northrup
11. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
12. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
13. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
14. Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck
15. Women that Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
16. The Dance of Anger by Harriet G Lerner
17. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
18. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
19. The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
20. Linchipin by Seth Godin
21. Happiness by Design by Paul Dola
22. The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman
23. Thrive by Arianna Huffington
24. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
25. Essentialism by Greg McKeown
26. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
27. The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson
28. How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran
29. The Examined Life by Stephen Grosz
30. Vagina by Naomi Wolf

So take your pick and let us know which of these books have inspired you (or any others you think we should add here).

x Selina & Vicki

PODCAST SHOW | Top 10 Lessons Learnt from 28 Days of Self Love

We practiced self love for 28 days straight, along with nearly 1,000 other ladies all over the world (from London to Tel Aviv and Argentina to Arizona) as part of our campaign '28 Days of Love' (which launchd on Valentines Day this year) .

What we discovered really surprised us! One of the biggest learnings was how much our ego resists anything new and positive in our lives. Check out our podcast to find out more and hear our top 10 lessons learnt 

As always, we'd love to hear what you think (leave us a comment below / tweet us) and if you like it, share the love with the other wonderful women in your life

X Vicki and Selina

Why it’s good to sulk in the name of self-love

When it comes to self-love we can all too easily fall into the trap of thinking that it is about feeling happy and positive twenty four seven.

That that is somehow the goal.

To never have a bad day and always have a smile on your face.

But being positive and happy 100% of the time is unrealistic and not at all what self-love is about. 

Try being happy and only ever having positive thoughts and feelings and you will suffocate yourself.

Self-love is not about being happy all the time. It’s about being real - tweet it!

So when you’re having an off day and feeling crappy, the self-love way is not to try and run from it or cover it up (that will actually just make it worse). The self-love way is to lean into it, sit with whatever you’re feeling. Embrace it. Welcome it in.

Because as you embrace and honour how you’re feeling, you embrace and honour you. As you lean fully into how you are feeling, you lean more fully into you.

And that is what self-love is all about: accepting yourself fully, exactly as you are and exactly as you are feeling, in any given moment. 

But even more than that, really feeling your feelings gives you power. 

Because when you listen in to your feelings, without judging them or running from them, and instead ask 'Where is this coming from? What can I learn?' you will find that these feelings can act as powerful guides - showing you where you need to change something - either in your life or in your attitude. Or where you simply need to practice more self-love.

Using your negative feelings in this way is a key tool in creating and living a wholehearted life. 

It's also incredibly liberating. There is something deliciously rebellious about being allowed to sulk in the name of self-love.

 So next time you wake up on the wrong side of bed and feel in a funk. Don’t fight it. Lean into it. Wrap it up in love and discover what these feelings are here to teach you...

Here is an exercise to help you do it:

Step 1: Let yourself FEEL how you’re feeling

Take a moment to sit quietly with your eyes closed.Then say out loud how you're feeling:

'I feel... <insert feeling>'

Keep repeating it, gently, over and over and feel the weight of it lifting as you start to fully embrace how you're feeling without resisting it, judging it or making yourself feel bad for feeling it.

Step 2: What is triggering these feelings?

When you’ve got comfortable with how you’re feeling and have fully allowed yourself to be with it, then you can explore where these feelings are coming from, what they are showing you and what you can do about it.  

It might help to write things down as you do this.

Here are some questions you can use to help yourself identify why you are feeling like this, what has triggered this feeling and what you can do about it. 

·      Where is this all coming from?

·      Did something specific happen that made you feel this way?

·      Is there an area of your life that just isn’t making you happy?

·      Has someone hurt or upset you with something they have said or done (whether they meant to or not)? 

·      Are you the one making yourself unhappy with unrealistic expectations, by being too harsh on yourself, piling on pressure, comparing yourself to others, criticising yourself?

·      Are there things out of your control that are upsetting you?

Step 3: What can you do about it?

Once you’ve identified where these feelings are coming from, ask yourself what can you do about it? How can you deal with this situation in a positive and loving way?

·       Is it time to bring about a change in your life, big or small? What can you do to get that started?

·       Is there something missing from your life that you need to bring into it, like creativity, a daily spiritual practice or exercise? What can you do to get that into your life starting this week? 

·       Has someone hurt you and you need to have a conversation with them? How can you approach it with love and compassion?

·       Have you been hurting yourself by being too harsh on yourself, comparing yourself to others or putting unrealistic expectations on yourself? If so, how can you make it up to yourself? What messages of love, support and forgiveness can you offer yourself right now? 

·       Do you need to simply surrender and accept that there are things right now that you cannot change? In which case what can you do to give yourself the love, nourishment and support you need, as you go through this challenging time?

Once you have come up with a positive step you can take, all is left is to go and do it. 

It is a simple practice but so powerful and  as you get more into it you will find that you start to actually value your funky days and those negative emotions and  will stop seeing them so much as 'negative' and you'll start seeing them more as feelings that are here to guide you.

So give it a go next time you are feeling sad, upset or angry and let us know how it goes!

X Selina

50 ways to practice self-love

In 3 years of helping women get ready for love and make love last, we’ve found that success and confidence in love usually boils down to one thing: Self-love.

But while most of us know that self love is important, the challenge is knowing HOW the hell to actually do it!

So to celebrate the day of lurrrrve, we’ve compiled 50 ways that you can start flexing that self-muscle and make Valentine's Day all about YOU. Because you are really really awesome.

1. Buy yourself flowers
2. Make yourself a playlist that makes you happy
3. Take yourself off to an exhibition
4. Cook a delicious dinner just for you
5. Treat yourself to a bubble bath and a good book
6. Wear bright red lipstick for the day
7. Enjoy a Sunday lie in
8. Walk in the park listening to an audio book
9. 20 mins meditation snuggled up in bed
10. Write a love letter to yourself
11. Take a nap
12. Visit a place that inspires you
13. Pyjamas and trashy mags night
14. Walk along the canal
15. Write down 10 things you’re grateful for today
16. Take yourself out for tea and cake
17. Breakfast date with yourself
18. Make yourself a superfoods smoothie
19. Eat ice cream in bed
20. Dance round the flat
21. Sing in the shower
22. Watch a TED talk to feel inspired
23. Go to a yoga class
24. Cycle to visit a friend
25. Treat yourself to a massage
26. Catch a morning dance class before work
27. Learn to roller skate in the park with friends
28. Do your nails (or get them done)
29. Have a craft evening - make something for your home
30. Buy yourself a box of dark or raw chocolates
31. Listen to an uplifting podcast on your way to work
32. Start reading a new book
33. Watch your all time favourite film
34. A night playing or listening to live music
35. Make yourself breakfast in bed
36. Enjoy a rom-com and a pamper night
37. Try out a new recipe
38. Borrow someone’s dog for the day
39. Morning run
40. Buy yourself a gift for £10
41. Sunday papers in PJs
42. An afternoon taking photos of things you love
43. Evening without phones, laptops, ipads, TV - anything with a screen!
44. Have an hour longer in bed
45. Take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit
46. Walk around all day like you’re Beyonce
47. Treat yourself to a solo date at the cinema
48. Do something that makes you laugh
49. Snuggle in with a cup of tea in bed
50. Buy yourself new lingerie

And with that, a very happy happy Valentine’s from us!

We’d love to see what you get up to - let us know on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter using the hashtag #28daysoflove2016

x Vicki and Selina

Self-love: a Mama’s Secret Weapon

Brene Brown said it: “You can only love your child as much as you love yourself”

Ouch.

Whether you’re a mother or not, that statement is a hard one to swallow.

Because most of us know that the love we want to give to our children is far more than the love we give to ourselves.

And it’s really no surprise. Because most of us have not been brought up to recognise the power and importance of self-love, even less so when we become parents.

As mothers we are hard-wired to believe that to be a 'good' mother we should think only of our children. That we shouldn’t need to practice self-love, that we shouldn’t need anything more than the fulfilment of being a mother. Our families come first and our role as mother should be all the fulfilment we need.

But that couldn't be further from the truth.

A mother who doesn’t feed herself up on love and who doesn’t practice powerful self-care, isn’t some kind of dream mum. She is a mother on a short fuse, a mother who will get easily frustrated and secretly resentful at the demands of her family, a mother who will burn out on a regular basis and have little to give at the end of the day, to herself, her partner or even her kids.

Neglecting her own needs so that she can focus on the needs of her children, sacrificing her own happiness so that she can be the ‘good’ mother, doesn’t work.

What works is learning to love yourself. To take that delicious and abundant love that you pour into your children and turn it in on yourself too.

Because a mother who looks after herself and her needs, who nourishes herself, who takes care of herself and who feeds herself with love, is a mother who is happy.

And a mother who is happy, creates a happy and healthy home for the rest of her family.

Self-love is this mother's power.

She knows that when she is practicing self-love and self-care, she is filled up and has plenty of time and energy to give to her family. She knows that when she is taking care of her own needs she is much better at recognising and taking care of the needs of those she loves. And above all, she knows that when she is practicing self-love, she is showing her children how to do it too. And that is the greatest gift you can give to any child, because it is the key to a happy and fulfilled life.

So practicing self-love and deep self-care when you are a mother, isn’t just a nice-to-have and it certainly isn’t self-indulgent. Quite the opposite. Learning to love yourself as a mother is the best thing you could possibly do for you and your family.

So how do you do it? How do you learn to love yourself?

Well, at Project Love, we get people started on what we call ‘Daily Acts of Love’: doing just one conscious, loving thing for yourself each day.

It could be making sure you feed yourself with a nourishing breakfast as well as the kids, treating yourself to a soak in the bath at the end of the day, buying yourself a bunch of flowers.

Just doing that one loving thing for yourself each day makes ALL the difference. Because with each act of love, you are giving yourself the message that ‘I matter, I care, I am loved’. And that alone can change everything.

It really is that simple and that powerful.

Which is why we have launched #28DaysofLove2016 - a free self-love campaign that gets you into the habit of doing one loving thing for yourself every day and discovering just what a difference it makes when you start to do that.

It kicks off this Sunday and we want to invite mums everywhere to join in.

So pop your email below, send this post around amongst the mamas that you know and let's start teaching our kids how self-loving is done!

X Selina

(Co-founder of Project Love and mama to little Sammy)

You can also grab your free Self Love for Busy Women audio workshop here.

We are hijacking Valentine's Day with #28daysoflove2016 - JOIN IN!

via GIPHY

Waaaaaaah we are so excited!

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and as ever we have hijacked it.

And this time we have gone ALL OUT and created something really special for you all.

Get ready for...

#28DaysofLove2016 is our brand new online campaign designed to get you, and all the amazing women you know, hooked on self-love by discovering how simple and how powerful it really is.

Because what we’ve found is that whilst we know that self-love is important, the challenge is knowing HOW the hell to do it. And that is what this campaign is all about. It will show you how to start exercising that self-love muscle so that it becomes a natural part of your day to day.

It’s super simple to use and really fun to do.

And it's free!

Check it out over here

We genuinely cannot wait to do this course ourselves and we hope you’ll join us!

All you have to do is pop your name below and you're ready to go!

x Selina and Vicki

Sunday is for simple pleasures

We'd like to invite you today to join us in a Sunday ritual that we've really got into recently:

Turning Sunday into a day for simple pleasures.

Simple pleasures are the little things in life that tend to have a timeless quality to them: buying fresh flowers, having breakfast in bed, a long soak in the bath, curling up on the sofa to read a book, baking a cake, a walk along the river, a yoga class, an afternoon of dancing around your living room to your favourite music...etc.

Treating ourselves to regular simple pleasures is a great way to keep that self-love muscle in shape.

And in the mad rush that life can so often become, making Sunday a day for simple pleasures literally has us stop and smell the roses. It brings us into the present, makes us grateful for the little things in life and has us make time for them.

Last Sunday we asked the ladies in the Love Tribe what simple pleasures they had been up to and here are just some of the answers we got...

"Treated myself to a facial and cooked a fave dinner - I feel very content and grateful for life today"

"Added chocolate chips to my pancakes"

"Sat in a cafe for a couple of hours and browsed online potential vacation spots"

"Run with friends this morning and massage this afternoon"

"I just got in from panorama bar and danced on my own for hours! Loving it"

And so today we want to invite you to join us in this new Sunday ritual too:

Take a little time out today and do something simple for yourself that gives you pleasure.

And then come and let us know over on the Love Tribe (our gorgeous FB group) what you got up to.

Ooh and share photos of you enjoying simple pleasures with us over on instagram @loveprojectlove using the hashtag #sundayisforsimplepleasures

And let's get everyone making Sunday a day for simple pleasures.Spread the love by sharing the image above on instagram, twitter or FB (and share a link to this post) and let's get everyone into it.

Let's make every Sunday a day for simple pleasures!

x Selina

P.S. The LOVE TRIBE is our private gang on FB where ladies like you gather to talk about love. If you're not yet a member, then just click here and ask to join and we'll welcome you in!