We have a guest blogger for you this week in the form of the wonderful and inspiring Laina! This post was first written to us as an email and Laina didn't want it to be public at first but in practicing opening up and being vulnerable, she knew she had a powerful message to share with you. From one single woman to another...
After 12 months of investing time, money and energy into dating, I was still single and feeling rejected, unattractive and pessimistic about love. I didn’t want to be feeling like this, and I knew it was time to get ready for love.
Having just turned 30, I was listening to all the ‘noise’ around me which was leading to a path of self-destruction. ‘Noise’ is what I refer to as those comments and questions that make you feel like you’re missing out on something ‘Why are you still single? You’re being too picky; if you want kids aren’t you worried about your age, it must be so difficult being single at your age’ It’s not helpful, it’s noise, and I needed to turn down the volume.
With my very settled friends living vicariously through my dating life, I would often make my dating disasters and my ‘single misfortune' the centre of conversations and the butt of all jokes. At least I could laugh it off, I thought. Secretly however, I knew I was in a dangerous mindset; I was starting to question myself, question what was wrong with me, and I'd get insanely jealous and resentful of all my friends who were in relationships. It was like they had a layer of happiness that I just would never experience for as long as I was single. I had got it into my head that a relationship would complete me. We’ve all seen the Jerry Maguire film - 'You complete me. You. Complete. Me'. Well, to the Jerry's out there, Project Love has taught me: You don’t complete me, I complete me.
I finished Project Love's 'Get Ready for Love' 30 day course with a fresh perspective of love and more importantly of myself. The problem, I realised, was that for too many years i’d been listening to the ‘noise’; whether it was hollywood, society, friends or family. I thought that being in a relationship was the ultimate measure of being a complete adult. That being single would mean me constantly yearning for a man and always thinking that I was missing out on something. With this mindset, I wasn’t ready for love, because I would always be choosing love because it’s better off than being alone. That’s not love, that’s desperation and it’s settling.
Since completing the course, I’ve realised one thing: I am already complete. I love my life and I accept my flaws. When I stopped and actually thought about my life decisions and the abundance of love I have from friends and family, I realised that I survive, enjoy and LOVE my life everyday without someone else needing to validate or complete it for me.
By no means am I suggesting that the course has made me anti-relationships, I still can’t wait to meet a man who wants to experience life with me, but I know that I want to meet someone who feels the way I do about relationships. I don’t want to play that role of trying to complete them.
For those of you who are considering or are already part of 'Get Ready for Love', remember, YOU complete YOU. Go out, remember to self-nourish, practice gratitude, go on a date with yourself and most importantly, love who you are.
When you truly learn to love who you are, you will be complete.
Laina X
