I was coaching a client recently on online dating and how she was struggling to find the energy for it. She wanted the end result but in no way did she want the journey. It was all becoming a bit of a chore and every time she fired up Tinder, she felt fed up and frustrated. Each time she had a bad experience, whether it was a guy who was just after sex or being sent generic copy + paste messages, it would only confirm her belief that all men are disrespectful and it made her want to give up on online dating completely.
So here is the advice I gave to her and I wanted to share it with you too.
Know when to take a break from online dating
Because when you’re feeling disappointed, fed up, frustrated or resentful about anything in life, we’re likely to attract that back. Dating is an energy exchange between two people and so we must be mindful of the energy that we’re putting into it. By taking a break, we can prepare energetically so that we’re able to come back to it with good vibes and a positive spirit.
But what about the guys who are just after hook ups and all the other perils of online dating I hear you say? Well we can’t control how others act, but we can choose how it affects us and we’re better able to build up resilience so that we can deal with situations like this if we’re in the right headspace.
Disconnecting from online dating gives us the opportunity to reconnect with ourselves so if you’re feeling like it’s time for a break then why not indulge in a week of self-love (check out 50 ways to practice self love for some ideas!) or choose to spend time doing things you love with the people in your life who make you feel great. Maybe you’ll need a week off or maybe you’ll need a whole month off. Do whatever it takes to get you feeling fully refreshed, inspired and ready to date again.
Then when you are ready to date again, here are 3 ways to start approaching online dating in the most loving way possible to have less of those ‘urgh’ moments and a lot more fun!
- Good intentions: Make sure that your intentions around online dating are healthy and realistic ‘To meet like-minded people I can go for coffee with’ is a much healthier intention than 'find me a husband” which puts unnecessary pressure and unrealistic expectations on your date and the whole dating experience
- Mindful swiping: Rather than fitting in a Tinder session in those ‘dead time’ zones in your day (e.g. waiting for the bus), dedicate some quality time to it. Ask yourself how much time you’re willing to dedicate and commit to it like a new hobby. E.g. 20 minutes x 3 days a week using 1 dating app. Putting a time limit on it will make you more mindful of the whole experience
- Be the energy you want to attract: If you want to attract in someone who is open, honest, loving, kind, available and respectful then it starts with you. Ask how you can bring that energy into your online dating experience so that you’re giving out what you want to attract. Woo yourself while you’re using dating apps! Turn off the TV and listen to music that you love, light a scented candle, wear red lipstick, <insert other woo’ing activity>. In doing this, you're raising your overall love energy and when you do this, you bring more love into the world. Because like attracts like, you'll get back what you put in
Love, V x
If you enjoyed this then check out our podcast ‘The Loving Way of Dating’ and if you enjoyed THAT then check out our 30 day Get Ready for Love online course, which has a whole section on approaching dating in a loving way!