There are a lot of visualisation exercises out there that encourage those of us looking for love to conjure up our future partner to help attract him into our lives.
The idea being that the clearer you are on what you're looking for, the easier it will be to spot him. In fact some suggest that that vision alone has power enough to draw him into your life like some kind of magical love magnet.
I bought into this idea for years and even when Project Love started out we were playing around with these kinds of visualisations.
I loved them. I'm a great visualiser and being able to picture the man I felt sure I'd end up with was both comforting and gave me a sense of control. I felt that the more I could picture him the closer I was getting to him.
But while it might have felt good, like fantasies so often can, spending all your time getting clear on the profile of the guy you're looking for and waiting for him to cross your path is actually working against you and massively limiting your chances of finding the love you long for.
Because here is the thing: the more women we've spoken to and interviewed who are happily in love and partnered up, the more we've found that the majority of them did not end up with the kind of guy they imagined they would end up with. Far from it.
And that very much includes me.
I did a LOT of visualising and mood boarding of the kind of man I thought I wanted to end up with. For years.
And I can safely say that the man I actually am utterly in love with and wake up to every morning is nothing like any of the partners of my visualisations or mood boards. Not only that, he actually ticks a lot of the boxes on my 'not' list.
Had I met him a year before, when I had yet to go through my own Project Love journey, I probably wouldn't have even gone on that first date at all. And all because he didn't match the picture I had in my head.
But luckily by the time our paths crossed I'd dumped those mood board images of the man I was supposed to end up with and had quit the visualising. Instead, having heard from so many happily in love women that they'd ended up with a guy they would never have imagined they'd end up with, I had fully opened up to being surprised at who I could be attracted to and what kind of guy would turn out to be perfect for me.
And with that I opened up the door for true love to enter into my life.
So consider that you don't know what your type is either and that thinking you do could be the very thing preventing you from finding love.
If you've got a clear picture of the kind of guy you think would be perfect for you, if you've got a list, mood board or an image in your head of what he's like, then it's time to dump him.
LET HIM GO.
Instead be clear on what you want in very basic terms: eg. a man that you are attracted to and who is attracted to you, who is open and available to having a relationship and who is emotionally healthy, loving and respectful.
Be clear on how you want to feel around him from the offset: eg. safe, relaxed, valued.
You can visualise plenty around that - visualisation is a powerful tool when done in the right way.
But scrap any ideas of what that guy looks like, what he does, what his character is like, where he comes from.
Drop the fantasy and let the real thing show up.
x Selina
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