Is it our own pride that is messing up our love lives?

Selina takes a look this week at why she used to be so resistant to getting help with her love life and finds an uncomfortable truth lying at the heart of her answer. One that could help you if you're feeling stuck in your own love life...

When I think back to when I was single and well and truly stuck when it came to my love life,  it baffles me that I took SO long to seek out help.

Six years had passed by, with me enduring a disastrous love life, before I got help to sort it out.

Which is just weird when I think about it because I got help in all sorts of other areas of my life and none were as messed up as my love life!

Now you could argue that I didn't think our love lives were something any of us had any control over. And you'd be right - that is what I thought. But why did I think like that?

Why was I so reluctant to get help when it came to love? So insistent that I didn't need help, that nothing could help?

And I wasn't alone. Most of the bright, smart, successful women I knew who were stuck when it came to their love lives would spend plenty of time talking about their frustrations and would impart usually dreadful advice to one another about what to do about it, but wouldn't dream of going to a workshop, for example, to actually help them sort it out.

So why not? What is that all about?

Are we ashamed that we're stuck when it comes to love? Embarrassed that we haven't managed to get it sorted? Do we think it's some kind of sign of failure that as women we haven't managed to find success in love?

I've been pondering this all week and each line of enquiry comes back to the same thing.

The answer still makes me squirm because it was definitely what was going on for me and it's not a comfortable one to own up to:

It was all down to pride.

It was pride that told me to play it cool and not  admit that I longed to be in a relationship (that would just be embarrassing). It was pride that insisted that my frustrated love life was nothing to do with me, it was just down to bad luck. It was pride that had me avoid going on dates because it just seemed so cringey. And it was pride that had me believe that I should be able to figure this out alone and that needing help with my love life was a sign of failure.

I thought I was romantically putting my love life in the hands of fate and all along I was putting it in the hands of my pride.

And it was that that had me stuck in my love life more than anything else.

So if you're stuck in your love life then make sure that you haven't accidentally handed it over to your pride, because it could be that that is messing it all up.

How to tell if your pride is getting in the way of you finding love

  • You don't think you need help sorting out your love life
  • You would feel insulted if someone offered you a book that would help you sort out your love life
  • You think online dating is for when you really have hit rock bottom and can sink no lower
  • You don't see anything wrong with what you're doing when it comes to finding love, the problem is men/where you live/the society you live in
  • You would rather stick needles in your eyes than attend a workshop that would help you sort out your love life

If any of that sounds like something you're guilty of then you have pride at play. And if that is the case then it's time to admit that you really do want to be in a relationship and that maybe, just maybe, you could do with some help to get you there.

x Selina

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