One of the most damaging myths about dating, that we still find being bandied around, is the idea that it’s a game. It still amazes us how often we hear of people being told by their friends that it's a game and they have to learn how to play it!
That it’s all about learning how to look, how to act and how to manipulate in the right way if you want to find a man.
And there are plenty of books and courses out there that will show you exactly how to play the game and win it – ‘Own that guy in 60 days’, ‘How to catch a man and keep him’. Of course they all play by totally different sets of rules, just to complicate things further.
Here are just some of the common nuggets of advice we find people getting tangled up in:
- Don’t contact the guy first, always wait for them to make the first move
- Wait 24 hours to respond to messages
- Don’t answer emails on weekends or holidays
- “Disappear” in between dates
- Play it cool
- Play hard to get
- Go dutch on the first date
- Don’t go dutch on the first date – let him pay
- Don’t appear too available
- Be mysterious – don’t give too much away
Ultimately this approach to dating is all about avoiding being vulnerable and avoiding ‘messing things up’ to give yourself the feeling that you’re in control.
Imagine being on a date with someone playing that game!
Approaching dating like a game will only end in tears and immediately goes against everything we say about approaching dating in a loving way (we show you exactly how to do this in our Get Ready for Love course).
When you treat it like a game you are essentially trying to control and manipulate the situation and even the other person. You are having to calculate and watch your every move so that you come across a certain way. There is nothing real, nothing authentic, nothing loving about this way of doing things.
The moment you find yourself following rules when it comes to dating then you are essentially rejecting yourself and playing at being something that you’re not.
It’s a pretty crappy game.
So if you’re finding yourself playing any kind of ‘game’ when it comes to dating, then give it up.
Give up the game.
Instead stick to these three basic principles:
- Be real
- Be honest
- Be loving
Dating and life will become so much easier when you do!
x Selina & Vicki
