EP 82: The disease to please - how to break those people pleasing habits - with Kate Taylor

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on iTunes), Spotify or wherever you enjoy listening to your podcasts

Hi guys, Selina here this week 👋

Wasn’t last week’s podcast great when Vicki was joined by Jo Westwood to talk about co-dependency?! Wow, I really saw how co-dependency runs in my family, how I had a very destructive co-dependent relationship in my twenties and how I still have a bit of a tendency towards co-dependent behaviour today. Fascinating!

This week’s topic is a great follow on from that episode, as this week we're looking at people pleasing! I had the wonderful Kate Taylor in the studio with me talking about the disease to please! Why so many of us are brought up with a chronic people pleasing tendency, how that can hold us back and what to do about it.

To find more about Kate, her life and business coaching and her incredible Practical Magic Activation Deck go to https://www.katetaylor.co/

Now you’ll also hear me at the start of the episode making a very exciting announcement (which you will have heard if you’ve been hanging out with us on Instagram): I’m doing an audio series with a well known brand (can’t name them just yet) all about career change. The series will follow the coaching journey of 6 people being coached by me.

And so I’m looking for those 6 people! You’ll get coached for free in exchange for being on the series which goes public in March next year.

To find out more and how to apply, go to http://www.selinabarker.com/podcastproject

Now hit play and feel the liberation of releasing those people pleasing habits!

x Selina

EP 81: Everything is Figureoutable

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on iTunes), Spotify or wherever you enjoy listening to your podcasts

A couple of weeks ago we went to see the absolutely brilliant Marie Forleo at her event in London, celebrating her new book ‘Everything is Figureoutable’.

If you saw our instagram stories you’ll know that we were like the ultimate fan girls. Giddy with excitement!

Why? Because Marie Forleo is someone who we have followed and admired for years. She is an unwavering example of someone who brings so much love and joy into her work. And she believes, like us, that our careers can be the source of so much joy, love and fulfilment in our lives and that anything is possible if you allow yourself to dream it and believe in it.

Being at the event and hearing her share the ‘Everything is Figureoutable’ philosophy really had us reflecting on all the times in life where we’ve gone after a dream, not having a clue of HOW we were going to make it happen, but committing to it none-the-less. And so we wanted to dedicate an episode to diving deep into the ‘Everything is Figureoutable’ philosophy and share how we’ve used this approach in our coaching and in our own lives and careers to follow our dreams, even when we had no idea of HOW we were going to do it.

So if you have a dream that you’d love to go after but you’re not sure how to make it happen, then this one is for you!

X Selina & Vicki

Podcast | The power of setting an intention for your year ahead

via GIPHY

🎧 You can also listen to this and all of our other podcasts on Apple Podcast (iTunes) and Spotify

Happy New Yeeeeeaaaarrrrr!!!!!!

Well we wanted the first podcast episode of 2019 to be a powerful one for you and wow, it really is!

Honestly, prepping for this episode and recording it really had a huge impact on both of us. We sat down after recording it, had a cup of tea and came up with an intention for Project Love for 2019 (and beyond) that totally blew us away. It felt like we had poured power and energy into our future and it has got us stepping into 2019 feeling fired up and ready to get the love spreading far and wide.

So we can’t wait to hear what this episode does for you…!

We really hope you enjoy this episode!

And while we’ve got you, on 15th January we’re going to be running an online workshop called ‘How to Design A Life You Love in 2019’ and we would love to see you there! In this two hour online workshop you’ll learn how to take the dreams and plans from your Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019 journal and really bring them to life in 2019, no matter how busy life gets. So if you enjoyed doing Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019 and want to learn even more about life design and how to create a life you love in 2019 then come and join us for the ‘Design a Life You Love in 2019’ workshop.

We hope to see you there!

Love, Selina and Vicki x

P.S If you haven’t yet ordered your copy of the ‘Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019’ journal then order yours today while stock last!

PODCAST | 'Going beneath the surface - an interview with Kirsty Hanly'

It's a wet, snuggle-at-home day here in London, so for those of you that are enjoying the same drizzly weather (and even if you're not!) we have a really juicy podcast for you to snuggle in and listen to...

'Going beneath the surface - an interview with Kirsty Hanly'

Join Selina as she dives deep into conversation with Kirsty Hanly -  coach, writer, TED Talk Speaker and Cognitive Hypnotherapy Master Practitioner.

Kirsty's passion is in helping people to live more connected and fulfilling lives, discover their true potential and to step into their dreams, by helping them move through the unconscious patterns that are holding them back in life.

She is the queen of getting under the surface of things, stripping back the layers to reveal what lies beneath.

Listen in as she and Selina get deep into conversation about what it takes to really get beneath the surface and open up to what we really want in life, how to find balance with our inner masculine and feminine energies and how orgasmic meditation can help you to really experience life in depth aaaaaand helps you to achieve mind-blowing orgasms. Hello.

So if you want to get in on all of THAT juicy conversation then listen in over on our blog. You can also listen and subscribe to our podcasts over on itunes (leave a review on there for us and you’ll make our day!)

To find out more about Kirsty and how to work with her, head over to http://inspiringlivescoaching.com/about-kirsty/

The 6 month group journey she is running with Yaron Engler on relationship, intimacy and love - Me You Us - starts this November - find out more over here: http://me-you-us.co.uk/

In next week's podcast...it's a special one not to be missed!

Next week we'll be getting deep into one of our all time favourite topics: 'why we all need to learn to dream again'

The importance and power of dreaming has been a big topic coming up with our coaching clients this year and in all the years that we've been coaching people we've found that one of the biggest blockers to people living lives they love is that they don't allow themselves to dream.

Dreaming is an essential tool when it comes to designing a life you love and NOT allowing ourselves to do it is having a far bigger impact on our lives than most people realise.

So check your inbox next week for a podcast ALL about it.

The power of projects when you’re starting a business or changing career

For those of you with dreams and ideas of changing career or starting your business (or making any life change for that matter) then THE BEST way to try things out and see what it is you really enjoy, is to set yourself small 1-3 month projects that allow you to try on your ideas for size and bring your dreams to life in small ways.

When I was trying out different career and business ideas I turned them all into mini projects. In fact I have built my whole career out of projects and the projects that didn't work out were often the ones where I learnt the greatest lessons.

Here is a video that I pulled out of the archives where I share about a 6 week business that I ran, that taught me SO much about what I did and didn't like AND gave me the experience of setting up a business from start to finish.

Excuse the slightly glowing and smudged quality of the video - video effects had just arrived on iphone in those days and I was getting experimental!

x Selina
 

PODCAST | Women who follow their hearts | interview with Victoria Roberts

For our second podcast in the series ‘Women who follow their hearts’ I got to interview one of my coaching clients - the wonderful Victoria Roberts. She has been on a beautiful journey of transformation over the last few years and I wanted her to share her story to inspire others that it is never too late to change...

Victoria came to me two years ago when she was living a fast-paced life in London. On paper it looked like she had a great life - money was good and she had a busy social life, with lots of friends and a successful career. But when we finally chatted on the phone she burst into tears. This wasn't the life she wanted to be living. Something was missing but she wasn't sure what. All she knew was that something needed to change.

After that first teary phone call Vic embarked on an amazing journey during which we saw her transform her relationship with herself, her love life, how she lives and what she does for a career.

She is a wonderful and inspiring example of someone who, despite the fear (and there was a lot of it at times) remained true to her commitment to creating a life and career that she loved.

I won’t spoil the surprise and tell you what her new career path is but I will say that in October she will be our special guest on our Project Love Salon that month and we expect it to be packed out…

So with that I will leave you to have a listen in. My heart was bursting by the end of it - I hope you’ll find it equally as inspiring and heart-warming.

Lots of love,

x Selina

P.S. IF YOU'RE READY TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE OR CAREER (even if you don't know what that change might be) then come and check out my 3 month 1-2-1 'Career Change' coaching programme - I am opening up the doors to two new clients this month. So if you're ready to make a career or life change then that client could be you!

>>> Head over here to arrange a call with me.

Imposter Syndrome...do you suffer from it?

We have a juicy podcast for you this week on 'Imposter Syndrome' - something that a LOT of people seem to suffer from these days.

It's that feeling that any minute now you're going to be found out for being a fraud. That you're not everything people seem to think you are. That you don't deserve the position you have. That it's all been a big mistake and soon people are going to figure it out.

So why are so many people, including a lot of big name celebrities, suffering from this? And if it's something you suffer from, what can you do about it?

Tune in to deep dive into the topic with us.

You can also subscribe to all of our podcasts and download them over on iTunes and Soundcloud
 

Selina's Top 5 Lessons on Designing a Life She Loves

We are getting ready (and getting very excited) to get going on our brand new Design a Life You Love in 2017 course that starts THIS MONDAY, 16th January

>>> This way if you want to join us!

And so Selina - the queen of designing a life you love - jumped in front of the camera today to share her personal top 5 lessons when it comes to creating a life that she loves.

For those of you that don't know about Selina's journey, over the past 10 years she has designed her life to give her the freedom, adventure, love, creativity and fulfillment that she needs to feel happy and alive. 

In 2009 she became her own boss and started doing the work that she loved - coaching and writing. In 2010 she left London and took off on a 6 month adventure, living and working from a camper van named Beryl. In 2011, with her business in a bag, she worked from amazing places all over the world - the beaches of Costa Rica, Buenos Aires, the icy Chilean Fjords, sunny California and the mountains of Canada. In 2012 she went on a journey of self-love and transformed her love life (with the magic and help of Vicki) and since then she has been creating a home and lifestyle that she loves with her new family in London, whilst growing Project Love into a flourishing business with Vicki.

Here are the top 5 lessons she has learnt in all those years of designing a life she loves to live.

Our first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon | How to create a life you love in 2017

If I gave you a magic wand and told you you could make anything happen in your life in 2017, what would you wish for?

What aspects of your life would you change? What would you keep the same? Is there any area of your life that you would completely transform?

Pause and think about it for a moment…

Imagine you had swished that wand and were living life exactly the way you want to be.

What would that life look like?

How would it feel?

It’s so important that we each take the time to step back, at least a couple of times a year, to ask ourselves questions like these.

Is this the life I want to be living? Is there anything I wish were different? How do I want to feel? Am I feeling that way? And if this isn’t the life I want to be living and if I’m not feeling the way I want to feel, what can I do to change that?

What can I do?

Because whether you realise it or not, you really do have the power to change any area of your life that isn’t making you happy.

We all have the capacity to change and transform our lives.

THAT is our magic as human beings.

No other animal is able to dream things up that don’t yet exist and then bring those dreams to life.

You created the life you are living today. And you can create the life that you just dreamt up a moment ago.

It’s as if we were all born with magic wands at our fingertips.

And when you start to discover and use that magic, your whole experience of life transforms.

You become the conscious creator at the source of your own life. And that is power.

It is key to creating a life you love.

Because living a life you love doesn’t happen by accident. People who are truly happy and fulfilled in life didn’t just fall into it, they weren’t just lucky. They created that life for themselves.

How?

Well that is what life design is all about and on 12th December (next Monday) we’ll be exploring this topic in full in our first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon: ‘How to Create a Life you love in 2017’

We’ll be looking at how people who have created lives they love have done it. What some of the key changes are that people make in life and how they go about it and we’ll be giving you some top tips on how to create a clear vision for your life and how to bring that vision alive in 2017.

And as a special Xmas treat to you this first ever ONLINE Project Love Salon is free to attend!

All you have to do is grab a FREE ticket over here (and if you happen to not be able to make it on the 12th, then we will send you the recording after the event, but you must sign up here to receive it)

Come and join us and start planning what it is you want to make happen in your life in 2017 and we’ll show you the tools to help you do that.

And we'll also be announcing some exciting news on the night which we can't wait to share with you!

See you there,

X Selina & Vicki

Is your inner shitty committee getting in the way of you finding love?

This week we've cooked up a podcast dedicated to those of you who are out there dating. Because we LOVE you ladies. We know it isn't always an easy journey (mine certainly wasn't at first!), but what often makes it hard is actually your own Shitty Committee - that internal negative voice that is always quick to criticise you, tell you what you're doing wrong, tell you when you're not good enough and generally fill your head with doubts and fears.

And if that Shitty Committee voice has a strong power over you, then it can cause all sorts of havoc when you're dating.

So what can you do about that negative voice in your head that can cause so much dating discomfort?

Well that is what this podcast is all about. It's a good one. You can download or listen to it over on Soundcloud or iTunes.

And if you’re not already doing our Get Ready for Love course then what are you waiting for? Come and join us today and we’ll really get to work on your Shitty Committee straight away :)

x Selina

What if you found out that the whole purpose of life was just to ENJOY it?

On Monday we did a talk at the Electric - Soho House - in London all about 'How to stay happy and grounded in a fast-paced life'. It's a HUGE topic that we dedicated a whole podcast to recently - listen to it here.

And ever since we did the talk I've been thinking back to a blog post that I wrote six years ago that served as a powerful wake up call at a time when I was running a million miles an hour, taking on waaaay too much and living off a constantly caffeinated and adrenalised high, while underneath it all I was exhausted and unhappy.

The blog post was my way of grabbing myself by the shoulders, gently shaking me with love and saying 'Why are you doing this to yourself?!'.

Why was I pushing myself so hard? Noone was asking me to do that, so why did I feel that I should? Who was I doing it all for? Was I expecting to get some kind of prize at the end of it all?

Finally as I lay one night collapsed on my sofa, in full blown burn out, I scribbled out this blog post and drew this little postcard.

It marked a turning point for me and I've never forgotten the message I gave myself that day.

So if you have a tendency to push yourself too hard, take on too much, put other people's needs ahead of your own and forget to prioritise the things in life that make you truly happy, then have a read of this.

This message is for you too.

"Imagine if, when you die, it turns out that there IS a heaven and a pair of pearly gates. And when you get there, standing there is god himself looking down at you. You're in the spot light.

You're waiting for the big judgement, the ultimate test, hoping desperately that you did OK, that you did enough, that you were good enough, helped enough people, weren't too selfish, weren't too mean.

You stand there fingers crossed as he flicks through the portfolio of your life and then he smiles and asks calmly,

'So did you enjoy it?'

'Because that's all we wanted. For you to enjoy your time on earth, enjoy the experience of being alive, discover what made you come alive, what made you happy and spend your life doing that...that was what it was all about'.

Imagine that.

Imagine after all that striving and hard work, it turns out that the best thing you could possibly have done for yourself, the people around you and the earth as a whole, was to discover what makes you come alive, follow your heart and spend your time on earth doing that. Imagine that.

I like this game. Try it. Day dream the scene for a moment (no requirement to believe in god for this to work), the moment where you are told that the whole point of this game called life was to create and live a life you love because THAT above all is what the world needs.

What would your reaction be? Play it out.

Here's how my scene pans out.

I'd stand for a moment agog. And then I wouldn't be able to hold back.

"Seriously?! Was that all I had to do?! Why didn't anyone tell me!? Why did I listen to all those people saying that I should be doing this and that?! Why didn't you send some kind of message?!"

I think god would probably look back agog at me.

"What do you mean I didn't tell you?!" I imagine god saying back somewhat indignantly, if gods are allowed to be indignant.

"You had that fridge magnet up for twenty years saying 'don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and then go and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive', you built a whole career around that message. So you did know"

If heaven had rocks, I'd be kicking them by now.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if that was really allowed - enjoying life so much, having such a good time. Why didn't you just tell everyone it was allowed and that we ALL had a choice and it wasn't just that I was 'lucky' but it was simply that I chose to make it happen. You could have helped me out"

I imagine myself bursting into hot tears of frustration. Thinking back to all those hours, days, years spent doing what I thought I 'should' rather than what made me happy, what made me feel alive. All those years standing in my own way, all that time feeling guilty for having a life I loved, trying to make up for it, apologising for it, feeling guilty for it.

I'd want to go back in time and show myself this scene, send it to myself like a picture on a postcard.

                   (this is the postcard I created after I'd written the blog post)

I'd tell myself to stop feeling guilty about having a life I love, but instead to celebrate it and enjoy it. To get comfortable with it, embrace it, relax into it. That this is allowed. That everyone has the choice to create a life out of the stuff they love and that just because not everyone chooses to do that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about doing it yourself. Don't create a life you love and then not allow yourself to enjoy it. THAT is bonkers. I'd say do even more of it. Have even more adventures. Dance, laugh, paint, love out loud. And celebrate the whole lot of it. The glorious experience of being alive and being you.

I'd tell myself to join hands with all the others out there creating lives out of the stuff they love and celebrating it. I'd tell myself to full on party with them, keep that party expanding and the door open to anyone that wants to join, but not to worry if people don't choose to. Let them be.

So my question to you today is...what would you do?

What if we were to find out that that IS what we're here to do - to enjoy life, really experience it, follow our hearts, do what makes us come alive? What if you were told that your job on this earth was to make YOU happy, discovering and doing the things you love?

What would you do differently?

Click reply to let me know."

And so, six years later, let's get this conversation going again. Let us know, by leaving a comment below, what you would do differently if your whole purpose on earth was simply to ENJOY yourself and all that life has to offer. And let this be the start, like it was for me six years ago, that you begin to make YOU a top priority in your life.

x Selina

P.S. If you know someone who also has a tendency to put other people's needs before their own and run themselves into the ground with it, then forward this onto them too ;)

What it’s like to do what you love, start your own business and spread love for a living

This week we were interviewed by the wonderful Emily Chiswell of Passion Pods about what it’s like to do what you love, start your own business and spread love for a living.

We had such a good time doing the interview that we wanted to share it with you too. Plus Emily's passion and enthusiasm is infectious - you can't help but grin as you listen to her talk!

So whether you have always wanted to start your own business, are longing to do what you love for a living or just want to hear about how Project Love all began, then this is one to listen to on your way home today: http://www.passionpods.co.uk/passion_pod/86-project-love/

x Selina & Vicki

Designing a Life of Love in 2016

We’re celebrating Valentine’s day this year by inviting ladies, single and in relationships, to join us at Frame to talk about ‘How to design a life of love in 2016’.

This is a topic that we're SO passionate about and one that Selina has been teaching for over 10 years. The key message being that living a life you love doesn’t happen by accident. It’s up to you to design it that way.

That’s why, when we’re helping women to get ready for love, we make sure they are taking full charge of their own lives and their happiness.

Because we are each responsible for our own happiness, it’s no-one else’s job. And when you take your life in both your hands and realise that you are the artist that creates the life that you are living, life suddenly becomes incredibly exciting and full of possibility.

So what would a life full of love look like to you? And how do you go from having a picture of what you want your life to look like to actually making that the life you live?

Well, that is what life design is all about. It teaches you how to first figure out what will make you feel happy, fulfilled and truly alive in life and then how to fill your life up with those ingredients.

BUT. And this is a big but. Life design is NOT about creating a vision of a perfect life and then trying to force your life to look exactly like that. Not at all. Life design is about approaching life like an artist.

Artists often have a vision of what they want to create, but they allow that vision to shift shape and take new directions as they go. They allow for accidents to happen, they’re not afraid to make mistakes. They learn from all of it. And that is how we encourage people to approach the art of life design.

Get clear on what makes you happy, yes, but also get curious about what makes you happy.

Experiment. Try new things. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Enjoy having a vision of what you want to create, yes, but remember not to get too hung up on exactly what that life should look like.

Design a space in which you will thrive and then see what grows in that space.

We’d love you to join us on the 14th Feb at Frame Shoreditch to learn how to design a space in which you can thrive and feel full of love in 2016.

BOOK NOW: How to Design a Life of Love in 2016, 14th February.

X Selina and Vicki