PROJECT LOVE SALONS - our new London events - have arrived!

As the summer comes to an end in London, we are getting ready to snuggle in to longer nights and snug sweaters. We love this time of year - a time to slow down, go inwards and feed our soul with inspiration and new learnings to help us grow and flourish in life and love.

We’ve also been listening to our Love Tribe (you guys) and your request for more opportunities to meet face to face with this wonderful community of ladies that want to create relationships and lives they love.

And so we have teamed up with Carousel-London and a team of amazing guest speakers to bring you an Autumn/Winter collection of inspiring, nourishing and transformative monthly events.

Introducing……

The Project Love Salons!

We invite you to join us each month for an evening of inspiration and thought-provoking conversation about love, relationships and living a created life from the heart.

Each month, we'll introduce a juicy topic on love and get the conversation going, with special guests offering their insights and expertise. It will be a place to come together with other like-minded women and explore those topics that simply don't come up in everyday conversation. It is a space to be heard, to connect, to share wisdom and to learn.

And we’d love you to join us!

We’ll be kicking off the series with our very own Salon ‘How to be a Good Lover’ (24th October) and then we’ll hand over to 4 of some of the most inspiring women we know. Honestly - these were the women at the top of our list and they all said yes!

Here is the stellar line-up:

Project Love SALONS - Autumn/Winter Collection

24th October: How to be a Good Lover: The 5 essential elements to enjoying a Happy and Healthy Relationship - with Vicki and Selina from Project Love

21st November: The Goddess Within: How to use Goddess Archetypes as a practical tool in Life and Love - with Goddess expert, Helen Johnson

12th December: Create a life you love in 2017: get ready to make 2017 your best year yet by learning the art of life design - with Project Love's very own life design guru, Selina Barker

** As a special Xmas treat, we’re opening this one up to everyone and taking it online so that you can join us from anywhere in the world! **

23rd January: Love Your Lady Landscape: Trust your Gut, Care for 'down there' + Reclaim your Fierce + Feminine SHE Power. Rarrr - with author of ‘Love Your Lady Landscape’, Lisa Lister

27th February: Fall in Love with Life: Learn how to up your wonder, recharge your creativity and maximise the romance in the everyday - with celebrant and TED speaker, Tiu de Haan

27th March: How to be true to yourself in a modern world: Learn how to use your voice and ask for what you really need - with happiness coach, meditation teacher and inspirational speaker Gail Schock

And at each event the wonderful Paleta Girls will be providing us all with some tasty treats!

How much does it all cost?

EARLY BIRD PRICE: £15 (normal price £20)

BRING-A-FRIEND EARLY BIRD PRICE: £12 each

Now you can of course buy tickets to the individual events, but we’d like to invite you to join us for the full collection of Salons so that come spring time you are FULL of love.

When you sign up to the full course of Project Love Salons, you get them all for just £75 (normal price £100) AND we’ll send you a copy of our all time favourite book: ‘Zen and the Art of Falling in Love’ as a welcome gift from us :)

Are you holding yourself back in life by comparing yourself to others too much?

Last week I got to interview and wax lyrical with the wonderful Lucy Sheridan - the world’s first and only Comparison Coach and co-author of ‘HigerSelfie’  which was published by Hay House (wow) earlier this year.

I loved talking to Lucy - this whole topic of ‘comparison’ that she has focused in on with her coaching is fascinating.

It is a conversation I believe we all need to be having.

And I'll admit, I didn't at first think that. When I first saw that Lucy was a ‘comparison’ coach I thought ‘huh, I guess some people are really hung up on comparing themselves andreally need help with that. NOT me…’

And then what followed was a month of having all the ways I compare myself to others slam right up against me and it triggered one of the biggest spiritual growth spurts I’ve had in a long time.

What I realised was that ‘comparison’ is not a niche issue that just a few people suffer from. It is something we are all at, whether we realise it or not.

And it has a big impact on how we live our lives, how we feel about ourselves and the expectations we put on our relationships.

And now with social media we have even more ways to constantly be measuring ourselves up against one another, fueling the fear that we are ‘not good enough’ and disconnecting ourselves from the love we could be experiencing amongst the people that surround us.

As Lucy said “comparison closes us off” and when you start to dig into how it is at play in your own life, you really start to see how much that is true.

So come and listen in and see how our conversation about 'comparison' opens things up for you too PLUS you'll hear us talk about creating our lives from scratch after hitting rock bottom and how Lucy and Jo landed a book deal with Hay House and wrote Higher Selfie in just 3 months!

So grab a cuppa and join in the conversation over here.

And to find out more about Lucy and the wonderful coaching she offers head over to proofcoaching.com

x Selina

P.S. Vicki is back next week and we will be announcing the launch of our London series of events 'School of Love'! Watch this space :)

How to love & be in a relationship without losing yourself

I'm writing this before I catch an early flight tomorrow to join Vicki and Pav for their huge wedding celebrations in Spain (I'll be documenting things over on instagram).

But before I go I wanted to leave you with a podcast that I've just put up on iTunes that we recorded just before Vicki left. It's all about 'How to love and be in a relationship without losing yourself'. It is a concern that a lot of our clients have been voicing recently, so we decided to dig deep into it and wow, what a fascinating conversation it turned out to be.

Have a listen to it below and let us know what experiences you've had of losing yourself or seeing friends lose themselves in relationships.

Much love,
x Selina

What if you found out that the whole purpose of life was just to ENJOY it?

On Monday we did a talk at the Electric - Soho House - in London all about 'How to stay happy and grounded in a fast-paced life'. It's a HUGE topic that we dedicated a whole podcast to recently - listen to it here.

And ever since we did the talk I've been thinking back to a blog post that I wrote six years ago that served as a powerful wake up call at a time when I was running a million miles an hour, taking on waaaay too much and living off a constantly caffeinated and adrenalised high, while underneath it all I was exhausted and unhappy.

The blog post was my way of grabbing myself by the shoulders, gently shaking me with love and saying 'Why are you doing this to yourself?!'.

Why was I pushing myself so hard? Noone was asking me to do that, so why did I feel that I should? Who was I doing it all for? Was I expecting to get some kind of prize at the end of it all?

Finally as I lay one night collapsed on my sofa, in full blown burn out, I scribbled out this blog post and drew this little postcard.

It marked a turning point for me and I've never forgotten the message I gave myself that day.

So if you have a tendency to push yourself too hard, take on too much, put other people's needs ahead of your own and forget to prioritise the things in life that make you truly happy, then have a read of this.

This message is for you too.

"Imagine if, when you die, it turns out that there IS a heaven and a pair of pearly gates. And when you get there, standing there is god himself looking down at you. You're in the spot light.

You're waiting for the big judgement, the ultimate test, hoping desperately that you did OK, that you did enough, that you were good enough, helped enough people, weren't too selfish, weren't too mean.

You stand there fingers crossed as he flicks through the portfolio of your life and then he smiles and asks calmly,

'So did you enjoy it?'

'Because that's all we wanted. For you to enjoy your time on earth, enjoy the experience of being alive, discover what made you come alive, what made you happy and spend your life doing that...that was what it was all about'.

Imagine that.

Imagine after all that striving and hard work, it turns out that the best thing you could possibly have done for yourself, the people around you and the earth as a whole, was to discover what makes you come alive, follow your heart and spend your time on earth doing that. Imagine that.

I like this game. Try it. Day dream the scene for a moment (no requirement to believe in god for this to work), the moment where you are told that the whole point of this game called life was to create and live a life you love because THAT above all is what the world needs.

What would your reaction be? Play it out.

Here's how my scene pans out.

I'd stand for a moment agog. And then I wouldn't be able to hold back.

"Seriously?! Was that all I had to do?! Why didn't anyone tell me!? Why did I listen to all those people saying that I should be doing this and that?! Why didn't you send some kind of message?!"

I think god would probably look back agog at me.

"What do you mean I didn't tell you?!" I imagine god saying back somewhat indignantly, if gods are allowed to be indignant.

"You had that fridge magnet up for twenty years saying 'don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and then go and do that, because what the world needs is people that have come alive', you built a whole career around that message. So you did know"

If heaven had rocks, I'd be kicking them by now.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if that was really allowed - enjoying life so much, having such a good time. Why didn't you just tell everyone it was allowed and that we ALL had a choice and it wasn't just that I was 'lucky' but it was simply that I chose to make it happen. You could have helped me out"

I imagine myself bursting into hot tears of frustration. Thinking back to all those hours, days, years spent doing what I thought I 'should' rather than what made me happy, what made me feel alive. All those years standing in my own way, all that time feeling guilty for having a life I loved, trying to make up for it, apologising for it, feeling guilty for it.

I'd want to go back in time and show myself this scene, send it to myself like a picture on a postcard.

                   (this is the postcard I created after I'd written the blog post)

I'd tell myself to stop feeling guilty about having a life I love, but instead to celebrate it and enjoy it. To get comfortable with it, embrace it, relax into it. That this is allowed. That everyone has the choice to create a life out of the stuff they love and that just because not everyone chooses to do that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about doing it yourself. Don't create a life you love and then not allow yourself to enjoy it. THAT is bonkers. I'd say do even more of it. Have even more adventures. Dance, laugh, paint, love out loud. And celebrate the whole lot of it. The glorious experience of being alive and being you.

I'd tell myself to join hands with all the others out there creating lives out of the stuff they love and celebrating it. I'd tell myself to full on party with them, keep that party expanding and the door open to anyone that wants to join, but not to worry if people don't choose to. Let them be.

So my question to you today is...what would you do?

What if we were to find out that that IS what we're here to do - to enjoy life, really experience it, follow our hearts, do what makes us come alive? What if you were told that your job on this earth was to make YOU happy, discovering and doing the things you love?

What would you do differently?

Click reply to let me know."

And so, six years later, let's get this conversation going again. Let us know, by leaving a comment below, what you would do differently if your whole purpose on earth was simply to ENJOY yourself and all that life has to offer. And let this be the start, like it was for me six years ago, that you begin to make YOU a top priority in your life.

x Selina

P.S. If you know someone who also has a tendency to put other people's needs before their own and run themselves into the ground with it, then forward this onto them too ;)

PODCAST: Dating is shit... or is it?

In this weeks podcast, I got to interview Gail Schock - happiness coach, meditation teacher and all round wonderful human. Gail had been out of the dating game for 8 years when she decided to do a Tinder experiment with her husband. The whole 'swipe if you like' vibe left her feeling empty and sad, which invited an interesting enquiry - 'was it possible to actually enjoy the dating process if we approached it from a different perspective - one that would give us more freedom and one where we could actually feel good about ourselves in the process?'

We talked dating struggles, relationship fears, speaking our truth, asking for what we need, connecting to our divine feminine and getting into our womb wisdom (oh yes). Plus so much more. This is a bloody juicy podcast and I can't wait for you to listen to it.

Gail also kindly recorded a special meditation just for us, designed to get you feeling in a great headspace around dating - use it before you fire up Tinder or before you leave the house for a date.

Love, Vicki x

PS this is a topic that we're really passionate about, which is why we've dedicated a third of our Get Ready for Love 30 day course to 'Approaching Dating in a Loving Way' - offering exclusive podcasts, videos (inc guided coaching vids), an online dating guide to writing a killer profile and special guest interviews. Approaching dating from this place transforms your whole experience of dating. Find out more here

The real significance of a hen party

In the same month that we celebrated 20 years of girl power from The Spice Girls, I was whisked away on my hen weekend with 13 friends. I'd never really thought about the significance of a hen party before, I guess it felt like a massive celebration with the wonderful women in your life.. (and an excuse to have a party). I was more than up for that when we set off on the party bus from Waterloo, high pitch screaming our way down the M4 with M&S cosmo cans in hand.   

Well, turns out it was that and so much more.

It was everything you’d expect from a hen - we shared embarrassing sex stories, we downed tequila shots, we cackled with laughter, we hugged, we cried, we danced. And yes there were willy straws and blow up men. But what made it different was an additional layer that my hens planned (knowing me so well and knowing how much I love a chat.. I’m often the one at a party having deep and meaningfuls in the loo) - the D&M (deep and meaningful) session. It started as a bit of fun, sitting in a circle wearing catsuits and kaftans, passing a jar of questions around and answering them one by one (holding a dildo, which you could pass on if you didn’t want to answer). We were all giggling at first, some of us feeling a bit awkward with sitting in a circle together. And it was a little scary at first, feeling that exposed and vulnerable, but I can honestly say that it was one of the most powerful and liberating things I have ever done. And I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it was a rare opportunity to share deeply and really be heard, while being surrounded by a bunch of strong and empowered women who all have your back. Without meaning to, we had turned it into a real sisterhood bonding session, and it turns out that that was exactly what we’d all been craving, we just hadn’t realised it. I discovered things about my friends that I didn’t know before and I felt such a deep connection with them in that moment. It was so inspiring to listen to the other women share their life stories, talk about challenges they’re working through and share their dreams and ambitions in life.

There was a particular question that I was so scared to answer - ‘your life story in 3 minutes’. I have this real fear of being put on the spot so when it happens, my mind tends to go blank like I have no long term memory?!? I know it was the fear that had blocked me but it meant that I couldn't reveal myself in the way that I wanted to. Since then, memories had been popping up from my life, things that I thought were buried away. So last week I had a go at writing my story and it was so cathartic, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do anything with it but in the spirit of heart opening sharing, I emailed it to the group (cue vulnerability hangover). And yes it was bloody scary putting my story into words but I felt so supported to do it and it has opened something up for me - a part of myself that was in the shadows now has permission to come out into the light. This just wouldn't have happened without that session, and I realised just how much I need a regular space for this in my life . Something really shifted for me and this is just the beginning of more heart opening sharing and a deeper connection with myself. And I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this. That is the power of sisterhood.

I came home from that weekend feeling an overwhelming sense of love, admiration and gratitude to have such inspiring, strong, empowered women in my life, who inspire me to be the same. I was shown the importance of sisterhood and girl power, the stuff that I learnt from the Spice Girls all those years ago at the age of 11.

And I realised the real significance of a hen party.

It is to show you how supported and loved you are, both as an individual and as a couple, to prepare you for the next chapter in your life. Because having such loving friendships gives you a strong foundation for a happy and healthy relationship and marriage. And it means you don’t depend on the relationship to fulfill all your needs. These friendships make me stronger and elevate me up to be the best I can be.

Now I feel ready to enter that next chapter of my life.

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the-best-version-of-ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves”

— Matthew Kelly The Rhythm of Life

And of course you don’t need a hen party for some good old sisterhood bonding, grab the women in your life that you love and organise a sisterhood circle <check out Selina’s brilliant post> and love and support each other to grow and live a life you love. In sisterhood we stand.

Vicki x

A very special Real Love Story: with Vicki's fiancee - Mark Pavitt

This weekend was Vicki's hen weekend (check out the glitter and celebrations on instagram @loveprojectlove) and as part of the fun we decided to rustle up a bit of a special surprise for her:

A Real Love Story with none other than the man she is going to marry in a couple of months: Mr Mark Pavitt (here he is with Vicki, the pair of cuties).

It is a gorgeous interview, not only because it is Vicki’s fiancee talking about how they met and what he loves about her and their relationship, but because Mark offers wonderful insights into how baggage from past relationships and attempts to protect ourselves can heavily affect our behaviour in the early days of dating and he gives the most beautiful message to Vicki at the end.

So without further ado...here it is: A Real Love Story with Mr Mark Pavitt (the man Vicki is about to marry!)

You can listen to it over on iTunes or Soundcloud (it will be up on the site on Monday but I needed to hide it from Vicki for now!)

Lots of love,
Selina

An open letter of gratitude to brave women who show up every day

Last week was a big one over at Project Love, as 3 of our coaching clients completed their 3 month ‘Get Ready for Love’ journey and we celebrated 1 year of love stories from our ‘Get Ready for Love’ online course.

We’ve been so moved by some of the stories that we've heard since we started Get Ready for Love and we feel a huge sense of gratitude for the brave women that we have worked with over the years and for the brave women that we haven’t yet worked with.

This week’s post is dedicated to them, and to you, an open letter of gratitude to brave women, showing up every day, even when it's hard.

Thank you for having the strength to rise up through challenges and difficulties in life and committing to what’s important, even when it feels really uncomfortable.

Thank you for your openness and willingness to be intimate with your own deep feelings, to create the space for intimacy with another.

Thank you for holding a space for other women to be brave and share their stories of struggle and transformation.

Thank you for having the courage to walk away from people that aren’t able to commit in the same way that you are, so that you can move on to find someone who can.

Thank you for not giving up and working through your deepest, darkest fears and letting the light in.

Thank you for dropping your expectations of who you think you should be so you can be who you are.

Thank you for respecting your needs and being brave enough to express them and loving and honouring yourself in a way that invites others to do the same.

Thank you for opening up to love, opening your heart and embracing your vulnerability, even when it feels like the scariest thing in the world.

Thank you for feeling everything, even the shit stuff, and even when that voice is saying ‘fuck this.. It’s too hard’.. knowing that feeling is healing.

Thank you for dropping your assumptions as to who you could be attracted to and being open-minded and open-hearted when dating.

Thank you for choosing the path of self love when you’re broken, even when the path of self destruction feels like the safest option.

Thank you for dating yourself, getting to know yourself and treating yourself like a true friend.

Thank you for having patience, taking the time to figure out what you want and the things that inspire you and make your cells dance.

Thank you for your tears, your laughter, your strength, your smile.

Thank you for accepting yourself, as you are, right here and right now.

We're all on this journey together, we’re all going through the same ups and downs and your bravery inspires us and it inspires a whole tribe of other women to keep showing up.

In awe of you,

Vicki and Selina x

P.S. If you’d like to join us and start your own Get Ready for Love journey today then simply head over here and we’ll send you your welcome pack straight away.

Celebrating a year of helping women write their own love stories

Exactly one year ago we launched our online course ‘Get Ready for Love’.

Our aim was to take women on a journey that would transform their love lives, by challenging their beliefs around love and dating and showing them a whole new way of looking at love and how to find it.

We wanted to create an experience that was fun, inspiring and thought-provoking, that would help women to see what was really getting in their way of finding love and help them to shift those barriers once and for all, so that they could let love fully into their lives.

Well, one year later we’ve had over 300 women sign up and do the course and it’s been featured (with full page spreads and great reviews) in Psychologies magazine and Grazia.

But for us, the most rewarding part has been to hear the difference the course really has made to people.

Just days after we launched, a woman wrote to us with this extraordinary story...

 “I have a rather lovely story to share with you. On Thursday last week I signed up for the course - one of the reasons being that I never meet anyone in the real world, or have the courage to chat people up and I hide behind dating apps. Thursday evening I walked into my local pub and spotted a very good looking man at the bar. Signing up to the course gave me the courage to go and chat to him and I offered to buy him a drink. We flirted and spent the evening chatting and getting to know each other and generally having a lovely time. After a few hours of finding out about each other we had a sudden realisation that we did in fact know each other already. We'd been each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend 25 years ago at school. We haven't seen each for 23 years and we didn't recognise each other in the slightest which was pretty funny as you can imagine. We're both single and seem really attracted to each other and are going on a date tonight. So I guess it just goes to show you never know what's round the corner. I really don't think I'd have gone over to him if I hadn't signed up for the course so thank you :)"

The last time we heard from her they were still going strong.

Since then we have had more wonderful emails like that and invited people to share their stories on our blog.

Shani found that the Get Ready for Love course was a journey that gave her back her power...

"GRFL came to me during a time when I was completely exhausted from being disappointed so many times, but after 30 lessons and the support of the other GRFLers, something magical happened.

I realized I AM THE ONE.

I realized it is in my power to create life full of love. I realized that no one can give me the love I want, because all that love is in me. All of these realizations (and many more), along with turning self-love into a daily practice and a way of life, make me look at myself in the mirror every morning and feel like the most fabulous, powerful, loved and loving woman out there.

And I wish this feeling upon every woman everywhere! ”

Read Shani’s guest blog post 'My Unapologetic Self' over here.

Meanwhile Laina wrote a guest blog post about her GRFL journey and what she learnt along the way, that has been one of our most shared blog posts yet…

 "I had got it into my head that that a relationship would complete me. We’ve all seen the Jerry Maguire film - ‘You complete me. You. Complete. Me’. Well, to the Jerrys out there, Project Love has taught me: You don’t complete me, I complete me.”

Read the whole post here.

Then last week when we sent out an email to invite the Get Ready for Love tribe to celebrate our one year anniversary we got this email from Katherine…

 Unfortunately I can't make it to the picnic on that date ladies which is a shame as I would have loved to have come because Get Ready for Love lead to me meeting the man of my dreams! On day 21 of the course, 4th December 2015, I met Jake, my now boyfriend of 6 months and I can truly say I am the happiest I think I've ever been in my life. I was already in a pretty good place when I started project Love. I had slowly learnt lessons along the way and could feel myself getting closer to having the relationship I wanted, I just wasn't sure how to find the person for me. I was in a positive frame of mind and willing to try anything. The biggest takeaway from Get Ready for Love for me was engaging with the world around me and opening up my mind to meeting someone different. I met Jake at a bar and from the moment I met him it just felt right. He said that the reason he noticed me was because of my big smile. Since that day we have had such a positive dating experience and I think a lot of it has been helped by the lessons learned in your course so thank you! I truly didn't even believe guys like Jake existed!

Keep up all the hard work ladies because I think you are doing a great job and your course really has helped me and I'm sure lots of other women too! I always talk about it with my friends so hopefully some of them will sign up too!

How gorgeous is that?

So next weekend we’ll be gathering with some of the London-based ladies from our Get Ready for Love tribe to celebrate a year of opening up and letting love in. But for now we’d like to thank all of you who have joined us on the Get Ready for Love journey - you have made this a truly wonderful experience for us and we look forward to seeing even more of you joining us as we step into our second year.

With lots and lots and LOTS of love,

 x Selina & Vicki

P.S. If you’d like to join us and start your own Get Ready for Love journey today then simply head over here and we’ll send you your welcome pack straight away.
 

How To Stay Grounded when Living A Fast Paced Life

"I'm ok, I'm just busy" - how many times have you said that this week? If you're like most of us then it's A LOT. It seems that we're living in a constant state of overwhelm and somehow it's become normal, spinning lots of plates in the air, all at the same time.

How do we manage the many deadlines and demands on our time? And how can we stay grounded and balanced living this fast paced life?

This is the hot topic that we explored in our latest podcast, which was inspired by our friends Persia and Joey from Addictive Daughter who have just released their new book 'The Inner Fix: Be Stronger, Happier and Braver'.

Listen in as we share all the things from our 'Inner Fix' toolkit and how we put our happiness and wellbeing as a top priority in life. 

Love, Vicki and Selina x

PS We'd love to hear from you - what do you do to stay grounded and maintain a healthy headspace? Leave us a comment below :)

Our top personal lessons on how to keep the love flowing when you're in a relationship

Last month Vicki and I both celebrated our anniversaries with our partners (must be something about May!) - Vicki celebrated 5 years (and is soon to get married) and I celebrated 2 years (and a baby!).

So we decided to use it as an opportunity to take a step back and reflect on what we have each learnt this year on how to keep the love flowing in our relationships.

And we decided to do it in front of a camera - our first Project Love VLOG!

We talk about having the courage to ask for what you need in a relationship (most people aren't mind readers after all!), the importance of self-care in a relationship and how easily a relationship is impacted when one or both of you aren't looking after yourselves properly. Vicki shares what she does when her relationship needs a bit of a reset and I talk about the lessons I've learnt this year on how to manage my anger and express it the right way .

And this one isn't just for the couples out there. I found when I was single that listening to conversations about how to keep the love alive in relationships and how to make relationships last, helped me to get clear on how I wanted to be in my next relationship and it really has made a big difference.

So I hope you enjoy the video and please share with us the lessons that you have learnt in love by leaving comments below.

Lots of love,

x Selina

Self-love for beginners

All too often we find people scrunching up their nose at the mention of self-love, as if it’s a bit cheesy and self-indulgent. But learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful and important things you can do in life. Your heart is your power and when you become the source of love in your own life it changes everything. Your relationships, your career, your health – they all flourish when you start to love yourself.

But while we all know deep down that it’s important to love yourself, we find the area that people get most stuck on is actually knowing how to do it.

At Project Love, we like to look at self-love as an art that can be practiced and mastered over time. When we practice self-love, we cultivate a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves and something magical happens – we become our own best friend.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”.
So how do we start that romance? How do we learn to love ourselves?

Well here are 7 ways you can start practicing the art of self-love straight away:

1. Nourish yourself

If you’re totally new to the practice of self-love then start with focusing on nourishing yourself. Nourishing your body is the most basic form of loving yourself, so this week become mindful of what you put in your body – give it what it loves. Start your day with a green smoothie, treat yourself to a raw chocolate snack and make time to cook yourself a nutritious dinner full of superfoods. The way we feed ourselves reflects how we love ourselves. So get good at nourishing yourself and you’ll lay strong foundations to self-love.

2. Take yourself out on a date

If you’ve never taken yourself out on a date before then make this the month that you do it. Solo-dating is all about spending quality time with yourself and doing something special, just for you. It is one of the most powerful (and fun) things you can do when it comes to practicing self-love. By doing something special for yourself – something you’d only normally do with someone else – you’re giving yourself the love and attention you’d normally only give out to others. You’re finally turning your love in on yourself. We’ve had clients do anything from treating themselves to coffee and a cake at their favourite cafe to taking themselves away on a spa weekend. Whatever people do, they always come away buzzing from it.

3. Start a gratitude journal

It has been proven that just by writing down 5 things that you’re grateful for each day, you can train your brain to be more positive, treating yourself to an overall feeling of happiness. It is a key tool when it comes to practicing self-love because it has us step into an attitude of gratitude, love and abundance.

So buy yourself a notebook and at the end of each day, for the next week, write down 5 things you’re grateful for and see how good it feels to end your day this way.

And as well as giving thanks for things that have happened to you that day and the people in your life that you’re thankful for, also include yourself in your gratitude practice. Find at least one thing you can thank yourself for each day and you’ll see your relationship with yourself shift into an incredibly loving place.

4. Make your body happy

It is essential when learning to love ourselves that we focus plenty of time and attention on our bodies. How we feel in our bodies directly affects how we feel in ourselves. Often feelings of loneliness and lack of love actually stem from our own disconnect with our bodies. You want to keep that gorgeous body of yours feeling energised and full of vitality. So it’s important that as part of your self-love routine you do things that make you feel great in your body; whether that’s yoga, running, 80’s Aerobics or dancing like Beyonce (a particular favourite of ours)!

5. Express yourself

It’s so important to find ways to really express yourself and feel free to be totally you. Whether it’s dancing, writing, singing, painting, acting, sculpting, cooking, making music, sketching, DJ’ing, pottery or poetry – everyone has something that does it for them. It’s often something we did naturally as children. It’s always something that makes us feel fully alive.

So what is it for you? When do you feel you can really let go and be who you truly are? If it’s not something you do at the moment, then think back to earlier years. What makes you come alive and really connect with the deepest parts of yourself? Now go and make time for it in your life. Whether it’s unleashing your inner Rihanna on the dance floor, singing like no-one’s listening or painting in big bold brush strokes, just for the fun of it, it’s essential that you make time to do the things that allow you to really express yourself from the heart.

6. Write a loving letter to yourself

Pick up a pen and with the same love and fondness you’d write to a dear friend, write a letter to yourself. Write about the things in your life right now that make you happy and the people in your life that bring you joy, inspiration and kindness. Reflect on how you’re feeling, give yourself a pep talk if you feel you need one and document your dreams and wishes for the future. If there’s something in your life that you’re struggling with at the moment, see what advice and encouragement you can give to yourself, celebrate your achievements and sign your letter off with love. Then pop that letter in the post and enjoy receiving it a few days later!

7. Shower yourself in feel-good vibes

We have far more power than we often realise to generate the feelings we want to experience in life, no matter where we are or what’s going on around us. We just have to learn how to tap into those feelings. An easy way to do it is to think back to a time in your life where you felt full of joy, happiness, peace or fulfilment – whatever it is you want to feel – and then find a photo of you from that time that really reminds you of what it was like to feel that way, so much so that you start to feel that way again just by looking at the photo.

Now put that photo somewhere where you’ll see it every day: save it as your phone screensaver or print it out and stick it up on your bathroom mirror. Whenever you need a boost to your day, take a look at that picture and let yourself bathe in those feel-good vibes.

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The one thing we always recommend to clients… and here’s why

In the ancient practice of Zen, there’s a lesson called ‘taking off your shoes’. It’s the first instruction that students receive when they start their training. By walking around barefoot along a wooden floor, they become exposed in a way that feels unfamiliar, a bit scary and probably a bit awkward. Anyone caught sauntering around the zendo will be told to stop by the zen master, who will instruct them to “pay attention to the bottom of your feet as you walk”. It is the start of a process of opening up, letting go of our usual defences (‘why the hell do I need to take off my shoes?’) and to detach from external signs of value (shoes). In becoming exposed in this way, the student learns how to become present in every step they take to discover their true value.

The practice of Zen is actually the practice of falling in love. And taking off our shoes is a metaphor for opening up and becoming available to love. It’s about releasing control, cultivating patience, being mindful of our actions (and how they impact others) and paying attention to the world we live in. And it’s more important than ever as research suggests that we’re lost in thought nearly 50% of our lives, probably getting swept away by our internal shitty committee (that judgy, critical inner voice… you know the one), which makes it very hard to be present in life. But there is something we can do about it, and it doesn’t involve a zen master and burning incense.

Becoming available to love is simply another way of being present and we can learn this through the practice of mindfulness. This is a key part of getting ready for love because if you want a healthy and happy relationship then it has to start with you. A happy relationship is found in the happiness of your own mind and life {TWEET}. Does this mean that we’re happy 100% of the time. Hell no. Mindfulness isn’t about stopping negative thoughts and feelings and chasing after the good ones, it’s about our relationships with those thoughts and feelings so that when we get knocked off course (which we all invariably do), we can pick ourselves up, bounce back quickly and get back on track. We can become the observer when things go tits up in life and this is the difference between watching a shit storm unfold and being in the eye of a shit storm.

As with most things we want more of in life (love, happiness, joy), it’s not a case of ‘finding’ those things, like a destination to get to, it’s about creating the right conditions for them to naturally arise. Through the practice of mindfulness, we can create the right inner conditions to support us through lifes ups and downs. 

There are many ways that you can practice mindfulness but there is one that we can’t recommend enough - the meditation app, Headspace. We are such big fans of these guys. Andy (a former Buddhist monk… who is a little bit dreamy) provides 10 minute guided meditations to help you sleep better, stress less and even smile more. It’s all through an app so you can meditate on the go and because it’s only 10 minutes, even us busy bodies can fit it in.

We’ve been recommending this app as the perfect accompaniment to our Get Ready for Love coaching package and online course since the beginning, which is why we are so excited to announce that the next 10 people that sign up for Get Ready for Love will receive 3 months free headspace subscription (worth about 25 quid). Woop!

Here is a beautiful visualisation on love from Andy to get you in the mood (plus a podcast on relationships)

“Becoming present is about stepping into the here and now and stepping into the stillness. It’s about becoming the observer. Accepting life exactly as it is right now. Accepting yourself exactly as you are and accepting all the feelings you’re experiencing right now. Without any judgement and without any expectations. Not trying to change or fix anything but simply being.”

— Project Love, Get Ready for Love

With love, Vicki x

PS we will email all lucky recipients with a unique code so you can start getting some headspace straight away!

PODCAST: Why ritual is so important to us and how to bring it back into our lives

I am so excited for you to listen into today’s podcast, because this week I got to interview the wonderful Tiu de Haan - a celebrant, writer and full-time inspiration when it comes to weaving ritual simply, but powerfully, into your life.

We first came across Tiu a few months back when we watched her TED Talk ‘Why ritual is still important’. I was so inspired and moved by what she was saying that I tracked her down and sent her an email saying ‘you’re amazing, can I interview you for Project Love pleeeeease?!’ and a few weeks later we were sitting in her flat in north London getting deep into conversation.

We talked about everything from why ritual is so important to us as humans, to what it was like marrying a woman to herself, how we can create simple rituals for ourselves in our own lives and the difference it can make when we do that…

I loved every minute of it and found that the more you hear Tiu talking about ritual and the power of it, the more you realise how important it is for all of us to get ritual back into our lives.

So download it here and as you walk to work, cook your dinner or get ready for bed, hit play, have a listen in and then come back here and let us know what you thought.

x Selina

P.S. For more Tiu wisdom and love, check out her TED Talk 'Why we still need ritual', her posts on ritual for Huff Post (she is a wonderful writer with a book on its way) and of course her website.

PODCAST SHOW | If you think finding love is all down to fate...then think again

This week we've opened up the juicy topic of fate. Is finding a loving partner really all down to fate?

We don't think so.

In fact we reckon that if you're putting your love-life in the hands of fate, then that could be the very reason why you're not finding it.

So in this week's podcast we decided to put fate into the hot seat, challenge the very notion of love as being something that is magically bestowed upon us...or not...by the mysterious hand of fate and instead show you what you can do to take your love-life out of the hands of fate and back into your own hands.

Or as Vicki put it 'grab your love-life by the balls'.

So hit play and listen in, or download from Soundcloud and let us know what YOU think. Is finding love down to fate or not?

x Selina & Vicki

You don’t complete me. I complete me.

We have a guest blogger for you this week in the form of the wonderful and inspiring Laina! This post was first written to us as an email and Laina didn't want it to be public at first but in practicing opening up and being vulnerable, she knew she had a powerful message to share with you. From one single woman to another...

After 12 months of investing time, money and energy into dating, I was still single and feeling rejected, unattractive and pessimistic about love.  I didn’t want to be feeling like this, and I knew it was time to get ready for love.

Having just turned 30, I was listening to all the ‘noise’ around me which was leading to a path of self-destruction. ‘Noise’ is what I refer to as those comments and questions that make you feel like you’re missing out on something ‘Why are you still single? You’re being too picky; if you want kids aren’t you worried about your age, it must be so difficult being single at your age’  It’s not helpful, it’s noise, and I needed to turn down the volume.

With my very settled friends living vicariously through my dating life, I would often make my dating disasters and my ‘single misfortune' the centre of conversations and the butt of all jokes.  At least I could laugh it off, I thought.  Secretly however, I knew I was in a dangerous mindset; I was starting to question myself, question what was wrong with me, and I'd get insanely jealous and resentful of all my friends who were in relationships.  It was like they had a layer of happiness that I just would never experience for as long as I was single.  I had got it into my head that a relationship would complete me.  We’ve all seen the Jerry Maguire film - 'You complete me. You. Complete. Me'.  Well, to the Jerry's out there, Project Love has taught me:  You don’t complete me, I complete me. 

I finished Project Love's 'Get Ready for Love' 30 day course with a fresh perspective of love and more importantly of myself.  The problem, I realised, was that for too many years i’d been listening to the ‘noise’; whether it was hollywood, society, friends or family.  I thought that being in a relationship was the ultimate measure of being a complete adult.  That being single would mean me constantly yearning for a man and always thinking that I was missing out on something.  With this mindset, I wasn’t ready for love, because I would always be choosing love because it’s better off than being alone.  That’s not love, that’s desperation and it’s settling.

Since completing the course, I’ve realised one thing:  I am already complete.  I love my life and I accept my flaws.  When I stopped and actually thought about my life decisions and the abundance of love I have from friends and family, I realised that I survive, enjoy and LOVE my life everyday without someone else needing to validate or complete it for me. 

By no means am I suggesting that the course has made me anti-relationships, I still can’t wait to meet a man who wants to experience life with me, but I know that I want to meet someone who feels the way I do about relationships.  I don’t want to play that role of trying to complete them. 

For those of you who are considering or are already part of 'Get Ready for Love', remember, YOU complete YOU.  Go out, remember to self-nourish, practice gratitude, go on a date with yourself and most importantly, love who you are. 

When you truly learn to love who you are, you will be complete.  

Laina X

30 books that could change the way you love and live

Most people have got at least one book that they can name that has had a profound impact on their life. That has inspired them to follow their dreams, make positive changes, approach their relationships in new positive ways or helped them to heal.

So we decided to ask our friends on FB and in the Love Tribe to tell us which books have really inspired them so that we could put together a list of books that can help to inspire you.

And here they are...
 

30 books that could change the way you live and love

1. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
2. How to be a Free Range Human by Marianne Cantwell
3. Wild by Cheryl Strayed
4. What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey
5. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
6. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
7. Rising Strong by Brene Brown
8. Zen and the Art of Falling in Love by Brenda Shoshanna
9. Five regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware
10. Money, a Love Story by Kate Northrup
11. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
12. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
13. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
14. Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck
15. Women that Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
16. The Dance of Anger by Harriet G Lerner
17. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
18. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
19. The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
20. Linchipin by Seth Godin
21. Happiness by Design by Paul Dola
22. The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman
23. Thrive by Arianna Huffington
24. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
25. Essentialism by Greg McKeown
26. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
27. The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson
28. How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran
29. The Examined Life by Stephen Grosz
30. Vagina by Naomi Wolf

So take your pick and let us know which of these books have inspired you (or any others you think we should add here).

x Selina & Vicki

If you haven’t been enjoying online dating recently, THIS could be why

I was coaching a client recently on online dating and how she was struggling to find the energy for it. She wanted the end result but in no way did she want the journey. It was all becoming a bit of a chore and every time she fired up Tinder, she felt fed up and frustrated. Each time she had a bad experience, whether it was a guy who was just after sex or being sent generic copy + paste messages, it would only confirm her belief that all men are disrespectful and it made her want to give up on online dating completely.

So here is the advice I gave to her and I wanted to share it with you too.

Know when to take a break from online dating

Because when you’re feeling disappointed, fed up, frustrated or resentful about anything in life, we’re likely to attract that back. Dating is an energy exchange between two people and so we must be mindful of the energy that we’re putting into it. By taking a break, we can prepare energetically so that we’re able to come back to it with good vibes and a positive spirit.

But what about the guys who are just after hook ups and all the other perils of online dating I hear you say? Well we can’t control how others act, but we can choose how it affects us and we’re better able to build up resilience so that we can deal with situations like this if we’re in the right headspace.

Disconnecting from online dating gives us the opportunity to reconnect with ourselves so if you’re feeling like it’s time for a break then why not indulge in a week of self-love (check out 50 ways to practice self love for some ideas!) or choose to spend time doing things you love with the people in your life who make you feel great. Maybe you’ll need a week off or maybe you’ll need a whole month off. Do whatever it takes to get you feeling fully refreshed, inspired and ready to date again.

Then when you are ready to date again, here are 3 ways to start approaching online dating in the most loving way possible to have less of those ‘urgh’ moments and a lot more fun!

1. Good intentions: Make sure that your intentions around online dating are healthy and realistic ‘To meet like-minded people I can go for coffee with’ is a much healthier intention than 'find me a husband” which puts unnecessary pressure and unrealistic expectations on your date and the whole dating experience
2. Mindful swiping: Rather than fitting in a Tinder session in those ‘dead time’ zones in your day (e.g. waiting for the bus), dedicate some quality time to it. Ask yourself how much time you’re willing to dedicate and commit to it like a new hobby. E.g. 20 minutes x 3 days a week using 1 dating app. Putting a time limit on it will make you more mindful of the whole experience
3. Be the energy you want to attract: If you want to attract in someone who is open, honest, loving, kind, available and respectful then it starts with you. Ask how you can bring that energy into your online dating experience so that you’re giving out what you want to attract. Woo yourself while you’re using dating apps! Turn off the TV and listen to music that you love, light a scented candle, wear red lipstick, <insert other woo’ing activity>. In doing this, you're raising your overall love energy and when you do this, you bring more love into the world. Because like attracts like, you'll get back what you put in

Love, V x

If you have a friend who really needs to hear this then forward this email or share the love on Facebook and Twitter

If you enjoyed this then check out our podcast ‘The Loving Way of Dating’ and if you enjoyed THAT then check out our 30 day Get Ready for Love online course, which has a whole section on approaching dating in a loving way!
 

Have you ever dreamed of starting your own business doing something you love?

Last week we shared an interview of Vicki and me being interviewed over on Passion Pods about what it’s like to start your own business and do what you love for a living.

This week we thought we’d share a bit more about what it really takes to quit the 9 to 5 and become your own boss and encourage you, if you’ve dreamed of starting your own business, to take that dream seriously.

Because we only dream of the things that are meant for us.

So you have to listen to those dreams.

But the dream of starting your own business is a BIG one.

It can be one of those dreams that we can dance around for years, never quite daring to pick it up, because it just seems…well too big.

So if that sounds like you, if you’ve always loved the idea of being your own boss and running your own show, then it’s time to get you started on that journey.

You don’t even need to know what kind of business you’d like to run yet.

All you need is a commitment to take action and a willingness to try stuff out.

That is how businesses are born.

That is how Project Love was born.

We just started doing stuff.

We started with small projects that got us excited, involved things we loved to do and tested out our ideas.

Our first idea – a course on helping women sort out their love lives – was tested out on 15 single women and was the basis of what later became Get Ready for Love.

At the time of doing it we didn’t even have a website and we certainly didn’t have a plan.

We just had passion for what we were doing, a commitment to following our hearts and a willingness to explore, experiment and get help and guidance when we needed it.

And that really IS all you need to start a business.

How do I know?

Because I started my first business aged 26 and over the past 10 years I have helped over 1000 people start their own businesses through online courses and 121 coaching programmes.

And what I’ve learnt in that time is that the key to success is action.

Don’t lie in bed trying to come up with a unique award-winning business idea that will make you rich quick.

You don’t need a unique, never-before-thought-of idea to be a success.

What matters most is you doing something that you love.

That is the secret to success.

So do things that help you to figure out what activities, people and places you’d love your working day to be filled with, what your strengths are and what you’d like to offer the world.

Don’t think about it. Do it.

By trying out ideas one project at a time, you will grow a business that is right for you.

And if you want to be shown exactly how to do that, then come and join me and the legendary Marianne Cantwell (author of the best-selling book ‘How to be a Free Range Human’) on our 6 week course ‘The Ideas Adventure’ starting in just a few weeks.

We run this course once a year and it’s all about how to come up with a business idea that is right for you.

It’s an amazingly powerful course. Not only will you go away with a process that you can use over and over again to help you grow your business, but you will find out so much about yourself, what makes you come alive and what your strengths are.

You will be surprised at how much you can learn and do in just 6 weeks. And how much fun you can have in the process.

I love running this course with Marianne because she has been one of my own business mentors for the past 6 years and every time we run it together magic seems to happen in our own lives and businesses!

(Here we are with Marianne coming up with some magic for Project Love not so long ago)

So if you’re ready to have some fun and figure out a business idea that is really right for you then sign your name up here  >>> THE IDEAS ADVENTURE

Marianne will send you more details about the course (emails will come from Free Range Humans) and you’ll be the first to hear when tickets go on sale (there is a very special 48 hour offer when it first goes on sale)

And if you have any questions in the meantime about the course then you can email me at hello <at> loveprojectlove.com

And then let’s make this the year you get your business idea off the ground!

X Selina

What it’s like to do what you love, start your own business and spread love for a living

This week we were interviewed by the wonderful Emily Chiswell of Passion Pods about what it’s like to do what you love, start your own business and spread love for a living.

We had such a good time doing the interview that we wanted to share it with you too. Plus Emily's passion and enthusiasm is infectious - you can't help but grin as you listen to her talk!

So whether you have always wanted to start your own business, are longing to do what you love for a living or just want to hear about how Project Love all began, then this is one to listen to on your way home today: http://www.passionpods.co.uk/passion_pod/86-project-love/

x Selina & Vicki